


Right Across and to the Left

by pinkyams



Category: SAKANA (Webcomic)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, No cheating, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2020-09-01 15:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20260414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkyams/pseuds/pinkyams
Summary: Taisei Tachibana never lets a neighbor go ungreeted; he integrates part of his life by giving energy-filled greetings to the many faces in his building. It's when a couple moves into the once vacant apartment across from his and two doors to the left where things take a turn for the complicated.Especially when he keeps finding a cagey blonde with a mean glare and hornetlike attitude at night, seemingly locked out of his apartment.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another SAKANA fic, this time I wanted to challenge myself by making a longer series and with Taisei's perspective no less. I was a bit nervous making up an alternate universe when the world of SAKANA is so brilliant already, but hey, creative liberties exist and it's fun to write these characters in different situations. Make sure to read SAKANA by Madeline Rupert, she is an amazing artist!  
I've also made a playlist for this story if you wish to listen to it here -> [Link](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6XMrhglu3qBMscCK98ovXq?si=jYBJe659SZKzXs19k5IBbg)
> 
> Happy reading!

Taisei Tachibana makes it a habit to always say hello to his neighbors.

Whether he’s enthusiastically waving to the lively family on the fourth floor, or making sure to hold the door open for the little old woman who lives right below him, Taisei takes joy in making others feel greeted. If it meant someone would smile in that slightly touched way whenever someone goes the extra mile to remember them, then it’s all worth it.

Jiro and Taro tell him he doesn’t have to do that, and are persistent with lectures telling him “Taisei, one day you’re gonna talk to the wrong person and get us all killed,” but it’s never a big deal.

Obviously, Taisei isn’t well acquainted with everyone in the building, that would be excessive even for him!

He has yet to see anyone from the elusive top floor and at times, names escape him. He’s sure someone on the third floor owns several talking parrots but he has nothing to back this claim up, besides the occasional bright red feather he finds as he goes up the stairs.

And then there’s the apartment right across and two doors down

After the previous tenants moved out, it lay vacant for a few odd months as viewings commenced until eventually, it was inhabited by new people. Two months have passed and Taisei had never once caught sight of them.

The only proof that anyone lives there at all is the way they have a tendency to slam doors and talk loudly when they come home at bizarre hours. 

It was surprising when Jiro had managed to meet one of them.

Taisei had whined incessantly, not one to miss out on important and neat events like this, and Jiro is not the best at description so it does nothing to make him feel better. All Jiro had to say about the man he saw was that his frown was impressive, and his entire demeanor seemed prickly.

When he attempted a greeting, the man had slammed a door directly at his face, or so that’s how Jiro recounts. 

It may have left Jiro anxious that their elusive neighbor might have it out for him, but it only served to make Taisei prickle with newfound interest.

He wants to know if anyone else had given these people a proper welcome. If it comes down to it, Taisei would be absolutely delighted to take that responsibility. New people could be a tricky start, but when Jiro was murmuring his story about their angry-looking neighbor with striking _blonde_ hair, all Taisei could think about how exciting it would be to befriend such an 'out there' person!

How cool is that!

Blonde hair...

* * *

It’s a mundane Thursday night, the clouds fluffy and large in the sky, yet not concentrated enough to block the peaking light from the crescent moon when it happens.

In his right hand, he holds a closed, vibrant orange, umbrella from when it was raining in the morning, and across his shoulders is a heavy bag weighed down by paperwork that might take all night to review over. The thought of coffee tempts his tongue and tricks him into thinking he's parched but his eyes continue to stay alight despite the layers of exhaustion beneath them.

He trudges his long legs up the stairs, climbing three steps at a time until he reaches the third floor. He’s craning his neck to one side, trying to make it crack when he sees a man he’s never seen until now.

His blonde hair sticks out like a shock, dulled by the pea green raincoat draped over his shoulders and he’s shuffling through a backpack that looks like it’s being held together by sheer will.

The hallway is dimly lit, casting a glow on his sharp features as he struggles. Taisei has since slowed down, feeling awfully a lot like an intruder who is trying not to break the scene.

The man eventually finds his keys, and from where he stands, Taisei can make out a flurry of charms attached to the ring. A fat looking cat head sticks out from the rest.

That’s also when the man slides his eyes over and tenses when he locks eyes on Taisei at the top of the stairs.

Neither of them moves and it’s only a fraction of a second before he looks away, unlocking his door and stomping inside, and faintly, Taisei can hear an accompanying voice, as if they were waiting for him to come home all along.

The curious residents who live in C4. 

Taisei grins, an impossibly giddy sensation crawling up his spine as this fresh piece of knowledge takes place. He opens the door to his own apartment, C1.

Jiro certainly was correct; his hair _is_ striking.

* * *

It’s a weekend and Taisei is coming home plastered, with an impressive amount of alcohol sloshing around his insides and his tie loosely undone around his shoulders as he meanders up the staircase with ungraceful movements.

There’s not much he could properly register except the hiccups that keep slipping from his mouth. It’s the abrupt sound of a door clicking open that makes him glance up.

He knows vaguely that it’s absurdly late, and it would be strange to leave this late. He looks curiously, squinting at the way the man, the blonde man, seems to be making an effort to be quiet as possible when he slowly closes the door behind him.

A particularly loud hiccup erupts from Taisei’s stomach once it successfully closes and they meet again in sharp eye contact.

The man goes into what looks like a deer-in-the-headlights mode, hands instinctively up in defense, and eyes slightly widened in surprise, both at seeing someone and at being caught. His gaze flicks away as he straightens and Taisei’s drunken mind finally catches up with the rest of him. With another hiccup, quieter this time, he sticks up a hand and waves, stumbling forward to his own apartment and accidentally hitting his body against the door.

Oh yeah, keys.

He laughs at himself a little, fumbling around through his pockets and in that time the man makes his move past him. 

He does so without a word. 

It’s an interaction left for hungover Taisei in the morning to ponder what it all meant.

* * *

Days drawl by in an endless mindnumbing pace. At times Taisei tends to lose himself at work while presenting projects and listening to himself talk about complex situations and how to suggest answers in a businesslike approach.

If he thinks about it too much, his voice becomes a separate entity altogether. That’s when he’ll slump at his desk, looking at the tiny stash of figurines and a photo he has of him and Jiro when they were children. It’s a nice reminder that he is, in fact, a person chock full of memories and interests outside of all the office work and day to day capitalism.

Today he opted out of drinking with his coworkers, despite the itch in his fingers craving such release. He worked later than usual, wrist aching by the end of all the signatures, contracts, and documents. Taisei makes sure to text Jiro of his whereabouts, hoping he’s having fun with Chie. Though realistically, Jiro must be sweating buckets, to which Taisei gives a salute and wishes him the best.

He wanders a bit, not wanting to go straight home yet. Deciding that today is for himself, so he goes to eat out alone at the local ramen shop and making a quick stop by the twenty-four-hour gas station for a bag of Taro’s favorite chips and peach gummy candy.

He sits outside on the curb, chewing through his candy and scrolling mindlessly on his phone.

By the time he throws out the wrapper, the day has faded to deep purples and the moon is half out tonight. The clouds are elongated and stretchy but staying out of the moon’s way, and it’s such a pretty sight that Taisei can’t help but hold his phone out to take a photo. He takes a few more and then promptly sends them all to Jiro with the caption “look at how cool!!! :Oc !!” And with that, he’s on his way home, smiling wide and feeling thoroughly human again.

With contentedness settling in his bones, he thinks about watching season nine of Hypraman again tonight, because why not!?

He’s practically bouncing up the stairs to his apartment, pausing to say “good evening!” To the man with an impressive looking mustache coming home from a long day of work. He waves back and it only improves Taisei’s mood further.

That’s why it hits him cold in the face when he reaches the third floor and there’s a figure of a man sitting out in the hallway.

It’s the blonde man, knees pressed against his chest and hands holding loosely on a flip phone, a different looking cat head hangs off of it. On the floor the shadows are intense and makes him look dangerous, even moreso when he jerks his head to trap Taisei in the intensity of his gaze.

Some brief recognition flashes through his eyes as his lips form into a heavy frown, teeth gritted from where Taisei could see.

Taisei’s mouth falls open to speak, all the while never knowing what to say. His focus is split between apologizing or saying hello, and that’s when he sees the teariness along the edges of the stranger's eyes.

It could be the light playing a trick, making him see things that aren’t there, but he’s not sure if it can emulate redness staining the skin around a person's eyes. So he lands with an opener.

“What’s wrong?”

The stranger, almost comically, looks to the left at an empty wall, as if Taisei hadn’t meant to talk to him. Once it registers that he is, the man further hunches himself into a protective ball and glares fiercely at Taisei, which almost has him stepping back.

“None of your business,” he snarls, before looking back at his phone to furiously type something out.

Well.

Taisei fiddles with fingers, glancing around nervously for some divine intervention to show him what to do. His mother taught him that if he ends the day on a bad note, then you have done the day wrong. He breathes deep, chest puffing up ever so slightly as he meekly walks two steps closer to the man. It only make his shoulders fly up to his ears in defense.

“I’m sorry!” Taisei says as fast as he deflates, “are you locked out of your apartment? If you go to the landlord she’ll help—“

“I’m not locked out,” the stranger hisses, “and I don’t need help. Get away from me.” 

With the way venom drips so dangerously off his words, Taisei is resigned to let it go, even if the tension doesn’t sit well with him. If he were to push any further, he fears it would only worsen the man’s mood to into new heights and Taisei doesn’t want to contribute to that. So he nods, whispering another quick apology and then hastily unlocks the door to his apartment, ready to leave the man alone.

His hand pauses as he grabs the doorknob, and he looks back at his neighbor, still in distress as he types out another fury filled message. He’d hate to be on the other end of that.

“The landlord lives on the first floor, A4,” Taisei says, and before the other man can speak, he’s already inside and closing the door behind him in quick succession. He rests his back against it, taking in a long inhale through his mouth and releasing it through his nose.

“Taro!” He calls out, “I got you shrimp chips!”

* * *

Taisei is busy getting to know the three dogs that live in A1 when he sees the man yet again. 

Taisei is crouched on the floor in a casual outfit, getting swarmed by a puffy black pomeranian, the goofiest looking Boston terrier whose tongue always sticks out at the side, and the sweetest, most goodest cocker spaniel he’s ever seen, while the owner leans patiently against the wall with a warm smile on their face.

That’s when the man enters, trudging down the steps and pausing at the sight of a grown-ass man playing with silly fluff balls.

Taisei looks up at him, his smile freezing for a moment but it’s quickly interrupted by little yips and a wet tongue dragging along his cheek that has him bursting out in new giggles. He misses the way the blonde man rolls his eyes, but he does hear a scoff.

The blonde man sidesteps them, trying not to attract any of the dog's attention, and out the door, he goes, disappearing on a blue Sunday morning.

Taisei is too preoccupied with the dogs that are now trying their best to topple him over to let it dwell on him. Now he is in danger of suffocating in a very furry death because the dogs are winning and the owner has to pull them back as to not cause Taisei’s untimely furry death.

Maybe next time.

* * *

It’s like seeing his neighbor for the first time in months caused the stars to align because now Taisei _can’t_ stop seeing him.

Distantly, he wonders if the man was always there, lurking in the corner of his eye and Taisei, for whatever reason, didn’t broaden his perception to notice. That train of thought is extremely unlikely though. Perhaps time is just on their side now, however, in every instance, he can never find himself to say anything to the mystery man. Their deep night hallway encounter looms over them every time they make eye contact while they’re going up the stairs or the rare times they spot each other outside the building.

Taisei can now identify him by the color of the jacket he wears regularly and he’s made note of the bags underneath his eyes that never fade even with each passing day. Though their short-lived meetings are sporadic in nature, it becomes habitual.

It’s odd knowing someone’s face by memory yet never knowing their name, or interacting with them for that matter. Aside from the occasional, awkward times, they’re within feet of another, obviously going the same way to their apartment, they are strangers.

Taisei doesn’t know why he has such muddled up emotions about that. Taisei wouldn’t call himself a stranger; he’s friendly, if not a bit too jubilant for most people’s taste, but the connotation that comes with being a stranger can lead to being thought of as a threat.

Now that really unsettles something in his stomach.

At the very least, Taisei would hope that they could have a normal neighborly relationship where they’ll only give a small nod or polite smile of acknowledgment, but it’s all clouded over with glares and nervous gestures, or worse, ignoring each other entirely.

He wonders if this man notices Taisei the way Taisei notices him.

He’s the polar opposite of what it means to be relaxed, with his shoulders always squeezed tight, and how he never knows what to do with his hands if there’s nothing in them― or how his clothes never fit correctly, but who is Taisei to judge ill-fitting clothes?

Then the question of who the man lives with comes to light as well.

So far, Taisei has never seen this particular neighbor. He’s left wondering what they’re like if they live with such a man.

Before Taisei knows it, his puzzling thoughts and an overflowing amount of questions go unsolved as a month passes with nothing to show for it. It doesn’t take the forefront of his mind, after all, only tickling at the back of his head like a pesky fly buzzing in his ear every now and again.

He only realizes it’s been a month because he finds himself stumbling onto a familiar scene.

* * *

Taisei is starving on a Tuesday night.

He’s coming home, stomach half full with beer but it was a cheaper, more watery brand. Not his favorite by any means but he still drank around four of them, not enough to get him a hundred percent plastered, but enough to make his knees have a jiggle in their step. He stopped by a dinky takeout place when drunken hunger took over and demanded gyoza, rice, and soba noodles. The thick scent coming from the bag made him cranky, wanting to be home and stuffing his face already.

He mumbled under his breath about the deliciousness of food, and how he’s gonna make sure to combine it all together to make some kind of hell dish. All the while he maneuvers the difficulty of stair climbing whilst a little more than tipsy but not yet drunk.

And like that, the man is there again, and for a split second, Taisei is sure his eyes are playing a trick on him but…

There’s someone― no… The blonde man is sitting on the floor outside his apartment, back against the wall, knees pulled up, and arms resting against them. A split image of the night so long ago, except he has yet to notice Taisei approaching in a cautious step. His foot must hit a worn-down part in the floorboards though because it lets out a dreaded squeak that has him snapping up.

His vaguely annoyed expression turns sour, _ouch_, and he flicks his gaze away. Though he returns back not a minute later, frown morphing into a flat line instead, though his shoulders stay tense like he’s not sure whether to let his guard down fully. There’s something sad about him this time, maybe it’s the way he’s not baring his teeth from the get-go or how small he looks curled up like that, either way, Taisei has sympathy knocking the wind out of him.

His mouth opens and this time he doesn’t hesitate.

“What’s wrong?” he asks and winces when some of the shackles return, the man turning away to look at the wall in front of him.

“Nothing,” he replies gruffly. It’s not as vicious when he told Taisei to fuck off the first time, but it isn’t exactly courteous either.

Taisei tries to stand up straight, but it makes his brain all woozy so he places one palm on the wall to keep him steady. He blinks several times to regain balance.

“Are you sure?” he dumbly asks and the man lets out a low groan.

“Yes,” he says. It doesn’t sting as much and it makes him want to press more. Maybe it’s the beer making him invincible, that or he’s a little more past tipsy than he thought.

“Mmgh, do you h―have anywhere to go, y’know, the landlady deals with… With missing keys all the time. When I first got here I lost it so many times, oh God,” Taisei hiccups, “she lives on the first floor, apartment―”

“Apartment A4, you’ve said that already,” he snaps, “and I didn’t misplace my keys I just! I can’t… Get in.”

“Huh?” Taisei says, question marks filling his head until all he could see were… so many question marks. How is that possible? If you don’t got your keys then that’s why are you outside. What’s it all mean? He must be mumbling this entire time because the man is staring at him with judgemental eyes. Taisei shakes himself out of it.

“If you can’t get in… That means you have somewhere else to go, right?” he says, trying to piece it together in his head. That winds up being an incorrect assumption, going by the frown on the man's face.

“It’s none of your business.”

“Well,” Taisei starts, not knowing how to stop, “I’ve got an apartment right here― I’ve got two other roommates, I think you met one of them before. We live right here,” he slaps the wall right next to the door.

“No,” he cuts him off.

“Are you sure? Really, we don’t―”

“No.”

It’s final.

Taisei wants to stomp like a petulant child but deems it inappropriate and out of character. In cases like these, he seeks out a solution because there’s always an agreeable outcome for both parties to enjoy. Taisei looks down at his bag of food, trying to convince himself that he’s not as hungry as he thought. Though he does push his hand in the bag to yank out the container of soba because he’s gotta devour something.

The rest of it though, he puts in front of the man.

“What? What is this?” He asks, incredulous, staring at the bag like it's going to eat _him_.

“If you’re gonna spend the night camping out here, then you should… Have some company. Food company. To eat. Eat your company,” Taisei slurs, nodding happily at his own idea. He steps back, fishing for his keys in his pocket to leave the man alone.

“Wait why― why are you giving me this?” He asks, and his voice noticeably goes up a pitch. Taisei realizes this must be his more natural speaking voice. He had a feeling that the low, gravelly tone was more for intimidation than truthful. Oh wait, he has a question to answer.

Taisei thinks, letting out a “hmm” for a few seconds before he snaps his fingers.

“You look like you needed it!” And with that Taisei’s opening his door and calling out behind him, “if you need anything else, please knock!” 

He shuts the door and only makes it fifteen clumsy steps before passing out, with one container of soba going to sleep right beside him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update just the next day? Don't get too used to it. The SAKANA update last night fueled me greatly and I was motivated to write until I realized "Oh wow I just finished a whole chapter." It's been delightful writing this so far! And remember, don't drink and drive!!!
> 
> Happy reading!

There’s not much excitement after that.

Taisei woke up the morning after, overnight he'd been dragged into the main sleeping room and had two new bruises on his arms but at least he had a blanket. Surprisingly, he had found his container of soba untouched in the fridge, attached was a note that said: “_take care of your stuff better - J+T._”

He silently thanked Jiro and Taro before eating the entire thing for breakfast. 

He tells them afterward about his whole ordeal when they’re all sat around the television eating leftovers from the sushi shop. They had a lot of questions that Taisei had to continuously shrug off since he knew as little as they did, but he was glad they found it as weird as Taisei did. Though they started having fun with it, going wild with outlandish speculation to try to piece together a story that would make sense.

“What if he’s secretly undercover? What if he doesn’t live with anyone and it’s all a cover-up,” Taro muses, making Taisei laugh and Jiro shake his head furiously.

“No way! Aren’t spies supposed to be super chill and nonchalant? This guy is anything but that! I’m pretty sure he wants to kill me, a spy wouldn’t do that!” Jiro objects through swollen bites of rice.

“I won’t let that happen,” Taro says with a dark look passing over his eyes.

“If he was really a spy you’d be dead by now,” Taisei interjects, poking at the bulge of food in Jiro’s cheek, “besides, he wouldn’t do that, I don’t think so.”

“Even if he was a spy, I won’t let it happen,” Taro says and Jiro nudges him, telling him to calm down because he’s starting to give off dark energy, to which Taro stands by his point. Taisei smiles watching them, poking at his food and wishes he could put a name to the mystery man. (To be fair, he hasn’t introduced himself either.)

Maybe his name is…

Joji.

Ryu? Itou?

Saburo? Shiro? Goro?

Taisei should look up a list online.

* * *

Taisei’s eyes are glued onto a pile of mail, he disregards the upcoming bills and rent dues to instead fixate on a postcard from his father.

Recently his old man's gotten hooked on wandering inside gift shops and corner stores in search for the most ridiculous postcards to subject Taisei with. He could have done with the easy route by sending Taisei a less time-consuming photo but his dad liked to go above and beyond, and that means Taisei getting a postcard at least once a week from him. 

This one is a picture of a sheep on tall grassy hills, with a shitty looking speech bubble plastered on to make it seem like the sheep is saying “I Miss Ewe.” It’s an absolute riot and Taisei laughs so hard to himself that he almost drops it. Delighted, he holds up his phone to take a picture for Jiro.

“Look what dad just sent!!!! :-) :^) !!!“ he sends.

He’s so immersed that he almost misses the click of a door, but nothing could have made him miss the meowing.

Taisei looks up, him and the man both pausing as they lock eyes simultaneously.

The man is dressed in his usual jacket, hair messier than usual and his expression is more surprised than angry this time around. The most notable difference is that, in his left hand, he’s clutching onto a dull green pet carrier, covered in old stickers and dents and though it’s hard to see, Taisei is sure he could see big glowing eyes stare back at him from inside.

“Is that a cat?!” He asks, voice unintentionally booming with unrestrained elation and hands coming up to flap excitedly. It startles the man, his eyes growing wide as he presses the carrier closer to him in a protective stance.

“Y—yes?!” He says back, looking Taisei up and down, probably trying to pinpoint what his deal is. It makes Taisei stand down, not wanting to come off as menacing.

“Cool!” He chirps and doesn’t want to make any sudden movements as to startle the man any further.

The man nods at him before making his way past him, giving him an unsure tight smile, but a smile nonetheless! Taisei grins back extra-wide, waving at them go.

“Have a nice day!” He tells them, and to his absolute shock, the man replies.

"Mmgh," he says before he's off, hurrying down the rest of his flight and it may have been nothing but! It counts! The cat continues to meow too, like they too are bidding Taisei a goodbye so that's a double win!

It's progress! That’s gotta be progress! Even if he is a little disappointed he didn’t get to see the cat, and wow! What a new revelation that is!

It was the best encounter he’s had with the man since the beginning of their whole situation. Taisei opens the door to his apartment, lets himself look back at where the man once was and holding the postcard close to his chest. What a way to start the day!

* * *

Taisei could now happily conclude that they have upgraded to a normal neighborly relationship.

Sans not knowing each other’s names, which is perfectly fine, Taisei doesn’t usually keep tabs on that anyways. They keep at an arm's length distance every time they sheepishly smile and wave at one another from across the hallway. It doesn’t happen too often, but the fact that it happens at all is enough to give Taisei a burst of happy energy. He doesn’t have to brood over the prospect that someone might hate his guts, it’s too much for him to bear.

That’s why the nagging suspicion tugging at the back of his head, telling him that “this isn’t how things should be” has Taisei at a loss of words. It’s a brewing perplexity and he isn’t sure how to deal with it.

For now, he sucks it up.

He’ll be content with “good morning” and mumbled back replies or the way the man skulks off but not without a nod to Taisei’s general direction. So what if Taisei wants to know more? Most people wouldn’t go out of their way to get to know their neighbors outside the pleasantries and introductions. Though, Taisei’s never been most people…

Whatever! Everything is perfectly fine. He has his own circle of incredible friends who he hangs out with regularly, sharing laughs and making memories he can look back on fondly… But what if an extra person was added to the mix?

A person who was more than his prickly exterior. That, like Taisei, wasn’t… Most people. Taisei shakes his head, geez, look at him! Usually, his thoughts are so scatterbrained but now they’re choosing to obsess over a man, whose name he doesn’t and won’t ever know! He only gets like this with hyperfixations not… Not a stranger.

Does he constitute as a stranger anymore?

It’s fine, he keeps repeating to his conscious. All is well and dandy on a casual Friday night, with the air stale and cold, the sky derived of color with its thick greyness clouding over. Taisei is going to snuggle into the warmth of his blankets while Taro cooks a heaping, mouthwatering meal. Chie is supposed to be coming over later in the evening so they could all sit, talk, drink and—

There's two people arguing on the third floor.

Taisei could already hear them as he’s going up the second flight of stairs, pace slowing down considerably when the voices grow louder, echoing down the corridors. He can barely make out any concrete words, but he doesn’t need to know what they are to know that they are angry.

“I just—— _understand_ —— not **listening** —— !!”

“**Relax!** You are —— out of ————! — think that’s _fair?!_”

“_Don’t_ — I’m being—— when **you’re** the ——— **_is that okay?!"_**

Taisei knows that voice.

Though it sounds slightly altered when coated in fury, he pinpoints it to his blonde neighbor.

He sucks in a breath before going up the stairs to his floor.

"_Honestly_ **Yuudai**, bud, it_ isn’t_ a big deal and you’re **hung** **up** on something I’ve already _apologized_ for!” 

“**Excuse me?!** Do you wanna show me where exactly you _apologized_ because—”

They both pause as Taisei clumsily enters their private moment.

The man… Yuudai. The other guy called him Yuudai. Said other guy has his arms crossed, looking away uncomfortably while… Yuudai keeps flickering his gaze between Taisei and the guy. 

Taisei coughs, fumbling on over to his apartment door and opening it, the sound of the key slipping in the lock and cranking sideways is absurdly loud. When he’s got the knob in his hand, he glances back, holding a look with Yuudai who looks like he’s seconds away from crawling out of his skin.

“Goodnight,” he says softly before slipping in his apartment to escape whatever the hell that was.

* * *

“I’ve seen that guy before! He’s the one with the hat right?” Jiro casually asks that night, though somewhat stiff since he’s invited Chie over to eat with them and she's especially pretty tonight. He's currently sat next to her on the couch but not close enough that their legs would be touching. He'll combust if he does that.

“You’ve seen him?!” Taisei shouts, mouth full of food as it registers what Jiro said.

“Yeah! Twice. Both times I think he was just coming home, seems like a regular dude.”

Chie leans in, making Jiro stiffen up more, and goes to speak, smile lopsided and curious, “Taisei, why are you so hung up on this guy anyway?”

“They’re our neighbors! I like getting to our neighbors! And besides, the other guy uh— Yuudai, I’ve met him a couple of times before, he’s really nice!” Taisei replies and meets varying degrees of disbelief from Jiro and Taro.

“That guy?” Taro says, “the same one that told you to fuck off when you were trying to help him?”

“And the one that wants to kill me!” Jiro points out, getting a raised eyebrow look from Chie and a quick “he wants to what?”

“Oh come on, he didn’t tell me that! He was having a bad day, I would too if I got locked out of my apartment,” Taisei puts down his food once he’s done scarfing it all done, “and he doesn’t want to kill you, he was probably having… Another bad day! Besides, he has a cat, that’s like! Extra good person points!”

“Witches have cats,” Chie jokes, but Jiro seems to take her seriously by the way he chimes in with “Yeah!!”

“He’s not a witch!” Taisei laughs, though the image is funny. The man— Yuudai— and his cat in matching witch outfits, oh that’s adorable! He ponders over what kind of cat would a man like him have... A ragdoll? Shorthair? Siamese?!

“And we’ve lost him,” Taro says, shaking his head as he eats the last of his dish.

“Well, I for one want to be regularly updated with the Yuudai situation,” Chie remarks, “maybe you could invite him out with us sometime, I can bring Sango along, or oh! Mori could come as well! It’ll be like a group hangout!”

Taro makes a tight grimace at the sound of Mori’s name while Jiro dissolves in a fit of anxious laughter. Taisei smiles at Chie, the thought of bringing in Yuudai is… Great! But he’s not sure how Yuudai would take to being bombarded with new people, not to mention, they haven’t formally introduced themselves yet. It’s still nice knowing that Chie is so open-minded and is willing to indulge him.

“Maybe one day,” he finds himself saying before the conversation dies and they move on.

* * *

  
  
Sunday mornings are for nestling yourself in a pile of comforters and leaving the window cracked open so sunlight can stream in and delicately shine over your body, much like a cat lying on a warm spot. Unlike most fortunate people that will be staying in late, getting much deserved rest, Taisei is groggily waking up, making gurgling sounds at the back of his throat as he tries to muster up the will to drag himself off the floor. He curses past-Taisei for agreeing to get up at an ungodly hour to get laundry out of the way.

After stumbling ungracefully on his feet, he goes to jam some buttons on the coffee machine to get his daily elixir, multiple doses, of course. It's poured into his favorite Hypraman cup so that when he's done, Hypraman's there to remind Taisei that he has a lot to look forward to.

So onward goes the day!

He forces the bag of laundry out its dinky basket, readies a bottle of half-empty detergent and fabric softener, then he’s lugging it all out the front door and glancing left to apartment C4— Oh no.

_Oh no._

Taisei swears his heart drops down into his stomach. 

Yuudai is slumped over in a fetal position, his jacket sprawled over his torso like a makeshift blanket and a frumpy backpack under his head that must be agonizing for his neck. His eyes are tightly screwed together, chest rising up and down shallowly and his hands are tight fists, resting right in front of his face. Taisei didn’t see him when he came home last night, so it had to have happened a little after and then he. What? Camped out here?

Taisei drops his bag, puts down the soap, and quietly makes his way to him, crouching down in front of him.

With a scared frown but a whole lot of dumb courage, Taisei reaches out past the barrier to touch Yuudai’s shoulder, doing his very best to jostle him as gently as possible. In whispered breaths, he repeats phrases like “hey…c’mon” and “please wake up.” After a few seconds of it, it rouses a response, Yuudai groaning low in his throat, eyes crinkling before snapping open.

Taisei rips his hand away as Yuudai jolts up, pressing his back against the wall, confused and scared and head whipping around in all sorts of directions.

“What..? What are you doing?” He asks, voice scratchy with sleep and bewilderment, Taisei raises his hands to show he’s not a threat but it makes Yuudai flinch instead. He drops them immediately.

“It’s me! It’s… Your neighbor,” Taisei tries, and Yuudai really looks at him, and it’s like he’s seeing him for the first time because his quickened breathing slows down and his hands unclench from their tightly wound ready-to-aim fists.

“Neigh...bor,” he says. He twitches a bit, scrambling to open his bag and pulling out his phone. From here, Taisei could see the big cat head, light brown and golden-eyed. Yuudai hisses then pushes himself up from the ground and that’s Taisei’s cue to do the same. “Shit, shit… It’s already six, I’m gonna be late the fucking… UGH!” He flips his phone closed and starts tugging on his jacket.

“Are… are you okay? Why were you sleeping—” Taisei gets cut off by Yuudai’s groan.

“It’s nothing! God, it’s… Nothing,” he bites, face flushing a nasty shade of red, “I—I have to go to work.”

“Oh… okay,” Taisei glances around awkwardly as Yuudai adjusts his clothes, mumbling angrily to himself as he tries to fix his unruly hair. “Y’know if… If you keep getting locked out, our landlord—”

“From apartment A4, you’ve said that like a million times already, I get it!” the man says and looks struck by his own words as soon as he finishes. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, keeping his head down as he starts to walk down the hall and to the staircase, leaving Taisei behind in confusion.

Before he descends, however, Yuudai holds onto the railing, pausing before looking back, “... s... sorry.” 

“S… sorry for what?”

But Yuudai’s already gone.

And Taisei won’t see him for another four days.

* * *

Technically, he doesn’t see him for longer than that.

Taisei does want to point out a moment though, lasting for barely a minute but it was long enough to make his guts churn distastefully.

It’s when he sees the man again.

The one that was arguing with Yuudai in the same graphic hat, puffy jacket, and downwards gaze, holding onto what looks like takeout, beer, and… A bag of cat food? It’s such a strange juxtapose to Taisei’s previous assumption that it has him reeling a bit. He walks up to his own apartment, not wanting to say hello, all he wants is to crash on the sofa with Jiro and watch dramatic soap operas.

But as he’s coming in, he can’t help but hear a familiar voice in the background.

“It’s about time!” It’s Yuudai, loud but sounding… Happy? Annoyed? It’s a mix of both, and it’s accompanied by a cat’s cheerful meowing. The man responds, a chuckle in his tone, but before Taisei can hear it, the door is closed. It was short-lived, and… Domestic.

A cold sensation is left behind in its wake.

* * *

  
  
They may be just two guys living together as friends.

Friends that argue very loudly at night in the middle of a hallway, or who own a cat together, or… Who clearly go out of their way to bring each other food and drinks and greet each other merrily. A friend that makes grouchy Yuudai sound light and airy and, dare he say, cheerful? Yeah… Friends alright.

But! Even if their relationship is more than friends, it’s not like it’s uncommon. That’s fine. Taisei himself hasn’t had much history with dudes (or any to say the least) but that's not to say it’s not there! (And by there he means the few crushes he's pined to from afar)

And… Why does it matter anyway?

… Well, if they were more than friends you would think that that person would be the first one you call when you’re locked out. Why wouldn’t they be home, after all? But, friends should do that nonetheless! So it doesn’t… Make sense. Taisei frowns at his thoughts.

Is he overthinking this? Genkei tells him he has a bad habit of making mountains out of molehills. What he needs… Is a night out! A fun one! With all of his coworkers so he could get annihilated! He won’t even get sad when they all inevitably start laughing at him! Now that sounds great!

And that’s exactly what he does!

He’s giggly, limbs all floaty, and he whizzes past in his moped, feeling the breeze take him away. He knocks his head back, wishing he could stretch his arms out and drive, but he doesn’t want to get in another accident. That is if you can exclude how he crashes into the bike racks and falls over into the alleyway, wheezing. But that’s just a regular Friday night, baby.

Unfortunately, he can’t become one with the concrete or else Jiro will get really worried and he does not want to do that to his best friend! So up he goes!

He says a very exaggerated hello to a little old man on the second floor, who tells him to “get on home now, sonny,” with a smile full of hidden wisdom. He nods, giving him two thumbs up and nearly crashes face-first onto the steps. But he doesn’t! 

The third floor is here, and Taisei wobbles to his apartment. That’s when the thick cloud of drunk gets pierced by two muffled voices from down the hall.

There’s always something.

At least they’re not out in the hallway this time around.

That doesn’t make it any better actually.

Taisei hiccups, looking at apartment C4, and how the glow of light around the doorframe sticks out almost menacingly. Then there are the two voices overlapping in differing volumes but each getting louder and louder than before. Taisei flinches at the sound of a shriek, followed by angry footsteps like someone is stomping around in there. He can’t make out a single word, but the anger is clear as day. He jumps as a particularly loud shout is made, and silence comes after.

The quiet is terrifying.

And then the guy is slamming open the door and there are protests that Taisei can’t catch.

Taisei tries to make it seem like he hadn’t been there by jostling the doorknob despite not even putting his keys in first but the guy brushes past him completely. Taisei looks as he leaves, catching sight of a cigarette held between thick fingers and hearing the grumbling profanities thick under his breath. And he's still wearing the same goddamn hat.

Taisei drunkenly thinks if he should check up on Yuudai but the door is opening and he’s falling through and on top of a person.

“Jesus, Taisei!” Jiro grunts, knees buckling under Taisei’s weight, “let's get you on the couch.” And he lets his body weight be dragged slowly across the floor, eyes stinging, and worry in his heart pounding. In his drunken state, a question keeps coming in the shape of a bubble, persistent even if Taisei tries to pop it away.

What’s wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter.com/yamautistic  
pinkyams.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back after a whole month of not updating! So, what happened?  
Well, I found out if you’re planning on making a long story that you should figure out how it ends before you start writing it. (I got way too excited after outlining the first two chapters that I posted them all willy nilly!) Hopefully, it won't take a month to post another update.  
One other change is this story will now be nine chapters! I just couldn't fit everything in seven chapters no matter how much I tried. Thank you for being so patient.
> 
> Happy reading!

Taisei has not seen Yuudai in a while.

If he allows his head to start swimming it’ll wind up in murky waters and Taisei will do all he can to keep afloat. Jiro is a deep-rooted comfort by his side, not exactly a life vest but a companion that will help guide Taisei to shore when gets too tired to do it himself. Then, while floating on soft waves, he’ll contemplate if Yuudai has a person like Jiro to keep him suspended. Does he have anyone at all? And the thought alone has seawater flooding Taisei’s lungs again. Rinse, and cold repeat.

It was never his business.

He isn’t involved in the first place so what gives him the right to have so many opinions on the matter. Taisei has only seen the tiniest of cracks into Yuudai’s life. It so happened that this little fissure made his mental alarm bells go off. It’s a tiny piece to an unmade puzzle. Taisei can’t judge when he doesn’t know the final picture.

So he’ll give a grand smile, performing well in meetings, and drinking with his friends to wind down. He can let life carry him to land. He’ll meet new people, laugh along as they laugh at him, and make the best out of what’s automatically handed to him.

He has friends and family, what more can he ask for?

He has a well-paying job and he's gotten promoted and everything.

He can go on long walks without having to tell anyone at all.

The park is a lively sight, couples and children covering the area, and Taisei finds himself falling in love with life all over again. He walks underneath the trees and looks up through the gaps of sunlight. He stretches with all his might, he’s sure he can blend in with the scenery. He stays for around thirty minutes, mainly passing time by people watching and creating stories around them.

When the blueness of the sky starts fading into curious oranges and deep reds, Taisei smiles, taking out his phone to snap a picture of the sight. He sends it to Jiro and Taro, “look, guys! It’s you!!! ;O :-) !!”

The day is ending, and with it the chill of autumn fading into a harsh winter tickles the back of his spine. It makes him burrow into his jacket, and caress his cheek into his fur collar and that's how he knows it’s time to go home. There’s a stride to his step, kids stopping every so often to gape at the extraordinarily large man and pointing it out carelessly. He’ll wave to them with a kind smile as their parents call their children’s behavior rude and apologize profusely. Though they too can’t help but do a double-take at his height. The usual.

He stops by the gas station, for strawberry flavored candy this time around, and a large cherry slushie. When he pops one in his mouth, the candy ends up being too artificial for his liking. Oh well, nothing’s wrong with trying something new and it not working out. Maybe Jiro will like them.

He’s almost to the building when he spots the dogs from A1 coming out through the doors with their owner. He gives a bright hello before crouching down to hug the pups, laughing as they lick at his cheek and yap noisily. The Pomeranian has gotten a trim, which prompts Taisei to call him a “dapper good boy.” He then moves his attention to the cocker spaniel trying to bite his shoelaces, and then he's greeted to Yuudai in his preferable vision.

Taisei’s lower jaw drops open slightly as he does a double-take. He’s wearing the same jacket but with a beanie this time, Taisei’s never seen that on him before... It looks good on him. Yuudai flushes when he notices Taisei staring and he gives him a stilted wave.

Taisei’s smile reaches new heights but he’s dragged back to earth as the owner tells their dogs to “leave the man alone you guys.” The dogs, being the sweetest most goodest boys of all, listen to them.

“They’re so good!” Taisei calls out and the owner laughs, thanking him as they walk off, dogs rounding up on the corner and now it’s just the two of them.

“Hello,” Taisei says.

“Hi.”

“Why didn’t you…” he starts to ask, wondering why Yuudai had stood outside awkwardly all that time.

“You were blocking the door,” he mumbles, and they both enter the building together.

They don’t bother to check their mailboxes and start going up the stairs. Not exactly side by side, but close enough, and all with all the stifling silence that makes Taisei unsettled. He breaks it.

“So… Are you coming home from work?” He asks, hoping his confidence overrides the nervousness.

“... Yes.” Yuudai says after a few beats.

“Oh, me too! Well kind of, I was supposed to have drinks with my coworkers but I kinda flaked last minute, oops. I had a good reason though! My head still hurts from last night haha... But it’s okay, cause there’s always next time! I took a walk before coming home, actually and I stopped by the gas station to get this,” Taisei gestures to the half-empty slushie in his hand, “and uh― It’s really close to here, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen it. Have you?”

“... No.”

“Well, you should go sometime! Aw man, I should have picked up more snacks. I’ve been needing to try these new chips― Ugh, I forgot the name of them but I’m sure you’ve seen it before. Darn, and all I got was strawberry candy and this thing―”

“What’s wrong with strawberry candy?

Taisei startles a bit, he wasn’t expecting Yuudai to… Respond? Not a lot of people do when he starts rambling and can’t stop.

He clears his throat, “nothing’s wrong with it! I like peach more though. Do you uh… do you like strawberry candy?”

“... It’s okay,” Yuudai says and oh. That’s definitely the sound of a man that loves his artificial strawberry sweetness. Taisei goes into the plastic bag, grabbing the pack and holding it out. Yuudai stares at it.

“What… what do you want me to do with this?”

“I don’t think I’m gonna eat the rest of it so… Take it!”

“... Why?”

“I don’t want it to go to waste,” at this point, they’ve reached the third floor and Yuudai still eyes the bag of candy like it’s a bomb ready to detonate. Taisei starts sweating as it prolongs longer than a few seconds but almost sighs in relief when Yuudai reaches out and takes the bag from him. He examines it like he’s making sure it’s not all some elaborate prank.

Taisei laughs to fill in the silence, not knowing where else to go with this conversation.

“Well… goodnight, neighbor,” he says, facing his door.

_ “Tanaka!” _ Yuudai _ shouts _ so suddenly it makes Taisei jump and clumsily drop his keys on the ground.

“What?” Taisei turns, eye peeking out through his hair.

“My name―er surname is… It’s Tanaka,” Yuudai says, shifting from side to side before rushing over to his own apartment. Taisei’s chest is swelling and he’s opening and closing his mouth like an idiot before it all comes rushing to him.

“_Taisei Tachibana!” _ He shouts back, and this time Yuudai jolts, looking back with wide eyes, “that’s my name!”

“I―I figured!”

Taisei guffaws, ugly and loud and proud, “haha, good night Tanaka!”

“G… N―night!” And with that Yuudai disappears and Taisei...

Taisei’s mouth hurts from smiling for the rest of the night.

* * *

  
  
Days go by pleasantly.

Not much has changed, other than now Taisei can say “good morning, Tanaka!” in passing when he sees Yuudai. If he’s lucky, Taisei will get a nod, downwards gaze and a timid “Tachibana” in return. It makes the days just a bit brighter in all its glowy and outrageous hues.

Though he could do without Taro and Jiro clowning him relentlessly for his odd fascination for their neighbor. They mean no harm with their gabs and jokes, if anything they are filled with genuine intrigue. Taisei tries to find a word to explain it but comes up empty, clumsily explaining that it’s just the way he is. He cherishes little interactions that are so human it makes him ache. Of course, Yuudai sticks out amongst the midst, but he isn’t willing to admit it just yet although, from the looks of it, Taro and Jiro just _ know _.

They eat together when they can, always a lighthearted affair when they sit around the television. It’s relaxing until it breaks out into full-fledged chaos.

“_Who_ ate the last of it!?”

“I didn’t!” Jiro and Taisei say at the same exact time before pointing at one another accusingly. It does nothing to wane off the irritation emanating from Taro as he throws down an empty bag of shrimp chips that he fished from the bin.

“Whoever ate it is gonna have to buy more, right now!” Taro folds his arms in finality, looking between his brother and a friend, “alright, Taisei, can you get some more snacks?”

“Me?!” He exclaims in disbelief, groaning loudly as he slinks his long limbs into the couch and does his best imitation of melting through the seats, “why!? I didn’t even eat ‘em!” Okay so maybe that’s a slight lie but Taro is so quick to point fingers!

“Lets rock paper scissors for it,” Jiro says, completely serious, fist raised in a challenge. Taisei looks back, beneath his bangs.

“To the death!” He cheerfully replies though it contrasts with the dangerous fire that roars in his eyes.

Unfortunately, it gets distinguished when Jiro hits him with scissors when he’s got paper and right as it happens he’s letting out a long whine as the Sakana brothers point and laugh at him. They pat him on the back in false kindness, well, Taro’s is false because he makes sure to lean in real close to whisper to get him his chips.

Taisei pushes him off, sticking out his tongue before stretching lazily and making his way to the door.

“Don’t get lost!” Jiro calls out.

“Not even if you dream!”

“I would never!”

Taisei laughs to himself, stepping out and locking the door behind him. He eyes apartment C4 for a moment, nothing has changed but they did get a new mat for their entrance. It’s an odd shade of turquoise, scraggly looking and susceptible to dirt.

It’s quiet.

He shakes his head, heading down to the usual twenty-four-hour gas station, making sure to grab a load of chips and water bottles that will get him out of going the next inevitable snack run. When he’s marching his way to the counter he pauses by the candy, bright and bustling with neon colors and temptation. The baby pink of a strawberry gummy bag sticks out.

Taisei grabs it without thinking and then pauses, remembering to grab himself some of his peach candy as well.

‘It’s not weird,’ he thinks to himself as the tired cashier scans every bag of chips, one by one. Yuudai likes strawberry candy! Though wary, he seemed appreciative last time and what can another bag hurt? Taisei ignores the smaller voice in his head that questions this decision. It asks the reasonable question of “but why?”

He chalks it up to kindness.

He doesn't like to boast about it at times because he's been told before "if you have to point out that you're kind, you're probably not kind at all," but at times he likes to refer to a couple of instances. Such as that time he bought some dog treats for the pups on the first floor. Whenever they had too many cans of tuna, he’d go out of his way to leave them outside for the strays that occasionally wander on their balcony.

It's like when the family in apartment C3 makes too much food! They’ll politely knock on their door with their cute tupperware containers to hand them over. (He makes sure to return it too!)

This is practically the same thing!

It’s all this convincing that helps Taisei back home, pondering on how to make this exchange. It’s just giving candy, not a drug deal, jeez.

He’s coming up the steps, thinking about what knock is best when you’re trying to give your neighbor candy when the shouting registers.

Oh no.

Instantly, memories from nearly two weeks ago come flooding in like a bucket of chilled water crashing on his head. The way Yuudai and this guy argued— no, _fought— like_ they were trying to eat one another.

“You ** _motherfucker!_ **”

Taisei makes his way to the third floor and when he only sees Yuudai, it makes confusion settle in. Where’s the other guy?

But Yuudai isn’t just standing there. He’s gnashing teeth, fists clenched as he pounds on his door hard enough that it must leave bruises on his knuckles, and the fury in his eyes makes Taisei want to hightail out of there. Yuudai’s screaming his head off, not taking any consideration to anyone else on the floor, but no one is brave enough to come out of their apartments to check on the commotion.

“**Arata,** open the **_ fucking _** door you goddamn prick,” he hisses, giving his poor hand a break and instead, crashes his foot into the door, instantly reeling back from the pain that must burst up his calve.

“Open the door!” He pleads, punching the door one more time and with no reply from the other side he cries out a raw and angry sound.

The noise makes Taisei jump and it’s enough of a sudden movement that Yuudai whips his head around. His eyebrows pinched together and mouth pulled in a permanent scowl, his posture is ready for defense and it reeks of vulnerability. Embarrassment passes his face once he truly takes in Taisei. At the same time, Taisei can see the way his eyes are red-rimmed and ashamed, Yuudai quickly wipes any tears that might have been lingering at the corners.

“What do you want?!” Yuudai shouts at his direction, broken and afraid.

“What… what’s wrong? Are you all right? What happened?” Taisei puts aside his bags by the door to give Yuudai his full attention, “Do I need to call the landlady?”

“I’m fine!” Yuudai shouts, hand coming up to stop Taisei from coming closer.

“You don’t look fine,” at this point, Taisei is a foot away from Yuudai, who has backed himself against a wall. It might not have been the best choice to start closing in so Taisei tries to relax his posture, taking a step back.

“Did… Someone lock you—”

“None of your business ”

“Okay! Okay… Do you have anywhere else to go?”

Yuudai falters at that, looking away and it’s all Taisei needs to know the answer. His thoughts are overlapping, all trying to spill out of his mouth and he ends up landing on one and goes with it.

“If you… don’t have anywhere else to go you can come into my apartment?” Taisei accidentally says it like a question, “I mean, my roommates are home right now but they won’t mind, I swear. We sleep on futons on the floor, I don’t know if we have a spare but we also have a couch—”

“What are you saying?” Yuudai asks, voice flat and the anger remains, his shoulders seem even tenser than before.

“You can stay at my apartment! You don’t… Have to stay out here,” Taisei says, nervous and unsure. Though he is taller, Yuudai’s polarizing gaze is an enormous weight that’s enough to make him feel small.

“No.”

Taisei makes a sound like a broken squeak toy. He stutters, trying to explain that Taro and Jiro really won’t mind but he’s cut off before he can reboot and form words.

“No,” Yuudai repeats, louder this time and though his expression is still severe, his voice has gone tired and scratchy. “I’ll take a walk.”

“Wearing that?” Taisei asks and Yuudai shrugs, wrapping his arm around himself, trying to derive any warmth from a long sleeve t-shirt and ripped jeans.

“It’s fine. I’ll be let back in, in an hour or so.

“Let back in?” Taisei says, not believing what he’s hearing.

“Don’t—don’t,” the man sighs, eyes going downcast and rubs his abused knuckles. He stares at bruises and Taisei wants to grab them, inspect them, ask more questions, demand answers, but that’s… Not like him. It’s a scary emotion; Wanting to pry due to a surge of emotion that he can’t yet name.

Yuudai tries to walk past him and— No.

“Wait!”

“What?” He grunts and flinches when Taisei rushes near him, ready for an attack, but Yuudai blinks in surprise when Taisei bypasses him to fork through the plastic bags he left by his door.

“Catch,” Taisei says before tossing a water bottle that Yuudai promptly drops. They stare at it roll and hit against the wall, Taisei snorts at the ill-timed comedy and tries to stop a bubbling laugh when Yuudai snatches it up.

“Catch again!”

He tosses the pink candy bag and this time Yuudai is ready, if not a bit uncoordinated. He grabs the bag, with a few fumbling movements and stares at its contents. Confusion makes his head tilt, staring at Taisei like he’s going to strike at any moment.

“What is this?” Yuudai asks.

“If you’re walking alone for an hour you might as well stay hydrated and have a snack,” Taisei says, his smile returning with disguised worry.

The worry remains even when he’s home eating dinner and pretending to watch soap operas but can only see Yuudai's stare. It remains when Jiro and Taro ask Taisei what happened. They had heard the screaming earlier but didn’t know what was going on. Taisei dodges the questions, but _it remains._ It remains when getting ready to go to sleep.

Yuudai’s mystified stare at the items in his hand sticks with him for the rest of the night.

Taisei won’t see him for another three days.

* * *

If Taisei could avoid waking up on frosty winter mornings, he would.

It’s never voluntarily, and though he doesn’t get to bid Taro and Jiro a good day at work, it’s a small loss in exchange for pleasant sleep. Though if it meant to get things done, then he’d force his long limbs to wake into action to get it done and over with. There’s nothing worse than having your evening occupied with pesky chores you could have resolved while the sun was still up.

But today he doesn’t have work. He sleeps in, body half-wrapped under a thick comforter, his feet exposed after kicking the second blanket off at night, inviting cold that makes him toss and turn.

And when he finds it in himself to wake up, Taro and Jiro are gone, as they always. But, much to his utter delight and surprise, he had woken up an hour before their shift ends. A true rarity for someone that would wake up past one in the afternoon every day if they could.

Once the coffee gets his brain up and running, there’s no more time to go to waste. Taisei gives Jiro a load of unprompted texts to tell him he's coming and with that, he’s on the balls of his feet, changing into a casual enough outfit and tugs on his long coat, that doesn’t go past his knees by the way, before heading straight out the door.

Jiro’s shocked yet delighted face is a sight for sore eyes once he spots his tall figure in the crowd.

“Taisei?! What are you doing here?” He calls out after making his last sale.

“Didn’t you get my texts? I’m here to pick you and Taro up! Oh, and if Chie wants to come too that’s alright!” He looks around for Chie and sees her packing up at her stall. She smiles widely at the sight of Taisei and he waves enthusiastically to her.

“Chie’s got her other job remember? And Taro’s well— doing something?” Jiro looks back, “hey Taro! Are you hanging out with Shigeru after work?”

“Yeah!” Taro shouts back, moving the curtain away and Taisei shivers at the splotch of blood coating the left side of his cheek. The sort of dazed manic look remaining in his eyes doesn't help either.

"Do you need me to come with though?”

“Nah! We’re just gonna go out to eat,” Taisei interjects and ignores Jiro’s “we are?” “We’ll get you something! Promise!” And that’s enough to appease Taro as he nods and goes back to his little shop of horrors to, hopefully, clean himself up.

After that Taisei lazes around, watching Jiro count the register and Chie comes over to say a quick goodbye. Jiro nearly drops all the coins in his hands when he sees her so close, mumbling back sporadic sentences that make her laugh. He probably wishes he could swallow his own nerves and reach out to her, but he doesn’t have to though because Chie can read him like the back of her hand and leans over to kiss Jiro on the cheek.

And though Jiro practically squeaks, sputters, and smiles all wobbly and tense, his eyes are ultimately fond. It plants the seed of an unsung ache in Taisei’s chest, as he watches the two share the intimate dance of a boyfriend and girlfriend departing. (Taisei's last relationship was three months ago and he never once looked at her like Jiro looks at Chie.)

When Taisei and Jiro are sat down eating their own respective bowls of food with the promise to have dessert afterward, Taisei can’t help but let his mind stray to the idea of love.

“Jiro can I ask you about Chie?”

It makes his best friend choke on a mouthful of rice and egg, and it must be painful the way he screws his eyes shut to swallow down the lump. Taisei pats his back as Jiro takes gulp after gulp of cold water and when he looks at Taisei, they’re wide and confused.

“What do you want to know, man?” He asks slowly and Taisei shrugs, fiddling with an empty glass with ice lingering at the bottom.

“I’ve never been in a relationship— or a serious one. One that lasts more than three weeks, haha... Like, you two have been together for three months now, I’ve never done that,” he says and Jiro’s expression immediately softens, “Like, I wanna know. What makes you happy about it?”

“Taisei… You’re gonna find someone,” Jiro responds, completely overlooking his question.

“Ugh, can’t I just live vicariously through you?” Taisei says exaggeratingly, quickly becoming uncomfortable by how sincere Jiro sounded. He doesn’t want to talk about himself right now.

“Huh? What, are you saying you wanna date Chie?” Jiro plays along, mocking anger and Taisei laughs gratefully.

“No! Come on, give me some insight!” He whines, long and drawn out until Jiro slaps him lightly.

“You wanna know what makes me happy about her?” Jiro asks, and rolls his eyes at Taisei’s puppy-eyed look, “well uh… She’s great."

"No kidding."

"Shush! I'm getting there!" He hums, thinking about it, "everything she says is so interesting, right? Even when no one thinks so, I do. And it’s so weird because when I talk, it’s like she also hangs onto every word.”

They finish up eating, Taisei letting Jiro ramble on and on, listening intently as they pay and go over next door to pick up some red bean buns.

Mouthful of red bean, Jiro’s still going.

“She’s so strong too! I’m pretty sure she could pick me up, how crazy is that? And whenever I get a rude customer, she’ll come on over to cheer me up. She doesn’t have to do that, but she does. It’s… Really nice knowing someone will always have your back.”

Taisei raises his eyebrows at that and Jiro laughs sheepishly as they walk up the block to their apartment.

“I know you have my back too! So does Taro, uncle Ren, I know that!” Jiro smiles, looking forward, that fond look creeping back to his gaze, “but it’s different. I can be in a room with you guys and I know you guys care about me but... When she walks in I’m—I’m l—liked. Wanted in a… Boyfriend way.”

The same breeze of wistfulness fill Taisei’s lungs and he has to breathe it out, as to not express jealousy. (Imagine that, having someone come into a room that _loves_ you).

“That sounds nice.”

“It is,” they’re now going up to their floor, keys jingling the entire time as they hang in Jiro’s hand, “it’s scary, I think I’m messing up all the time, and you have these… Needs? Like I feel so goddamn weird because sometimes I want to see her so bad it’s like I can’t think of anything else. Ugh, that’s so embarrassing. Pretend I never said that.”

“It’s very embarrassing,” Taisei agrees and grins at Jiro’s wounded noise, “but it’s sweet.”

“Taisei, you really don’t have to worry about it. You’re gonna find someone and they’re gonna like you for—”

They pause as they make it to the third floor.

Taisei’s body freezes. The smile is stuck on his face, but his eyes are wide. His breathing stops, his movement stops, and all the cells in his body stop all at once to take in what they’re seeing.

Arata.

He’s wearing the same hat, same coat, same shaggy hair, and he has Yuudai pressed up against the wall. For a moment, Taisei’s blood boils and his hand twitches to intervene, but his shoulders slump in surprise when he registers that this isn't a fight scene.

They’re kissing.

Yuudai’s hands clutch onto Arata’s shoulders, so tight that he could see the wrinkles and folds form in the other’s jacket. Although he seems immersed, he’s still quick to notice their company. Yuudai’s fingers tighten, no longer out of passion but out of desperation to be released. He pushes Arata back, face locked on the two newcomers, his face is exposed with terror.

Taisei doesn’t do well with the cold. He much would prefer year-round autumn than the few months of winter. When it snows, Jiro takes a wad of it, rolls it up in his gloved hands and throws it as has as he can to back of Taisei’s neck. The icy crystals will slip down his shirt, and he’ll yelp the entire time because of how bad the frost hurts. The feeling of his spine going rigid with cold is exactly how he feels right now.

“You fucking **dumbass** I told you to _ stop _,” Yuudai hisses to Arata, who is rubbing the back of his neck and refusing to spare Taisei and Jiro a glance. Yuudai can’t bear to look at them, face stained a furious red as Arata mumbles back what sounds like half-hearted apologies.

Jiro clears his throat, noisily and awkwardly which have all eyes going to him. He must regret the decision as he breaks into a sweat. He gives them an anxious riddled laugh before jamming his keys into the door. 

“Have a good night!” Jiro shouts, voice cracking and, grabbing at Taisei who has not moved once. “Get inside! Get inside!” he whispers, pulling him into their apartment and closing the door. Jiro buries his face into his hands and groans. “Noooooo! He’s going to hate me ten times worse now!”

Taisei is faraway. He tugs off his shoes, hangs up his coat, and walks past an agonizing Jiro to sit down. A long exhale escapes him, unaware of how much oxygen he was containing until it all falls out of him.

The urge to cry confuses him.

All he can see is Yuudai’s legs buckling under Arata, arms wrapped all over each other as they keep each up, lips interlocked so intensely.

He blinks as a headache settles in.

* * *

  
  
“Taisei.”

“Hm?” Taisei looks up from the doorway where he’s untying his shoes to see Taro, standing uneasily at the end of the hallway. For a second he thinks Taro has snapped and is going to kill him, but that’s over the top even for him.

Today was disgustingly mundane after yesterday.

He worked the usual nine to five, eyes itching due to looking at a computer screen the entire time, and back cracking if he twisted right too far. He went out with his coworkers after work, but he held his own as he wasn’t interested in getting too plastered. He got drunk enough to have a comfortable buzz, making it easy to goof around and laugh. He even had a bottle of water or two.

He’d arrive home once the sky was black. When he ascended the stairs he had hoped he wouldn’t see Yuudai again, and the thought made him feel bad. But when the hallway was clear, another wave of disappointment hit him which was equally as puzzling.

And now Taro’s looking at him, obviously having something to say but eyes squinted in a way that screams “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“What happened?” He asks, not slurring his words once, but he’s sure the flush on his face gives him away.

“Uh… Yuudai came over today,” Taro says casually as if he hadn’t just dropped a metaphorical bomb. Taisei is smacked with sobriety as he looks up, mouth agape and managing to chuck off his shoe as he hops up.

“H—he was here?!” He shouts, Taro cringing at his uncontrolled volume.

“Well, just at the door,” Taro says, “he asked for you but you were at work. He wanted to apologize for yesterday, whatever that means.”

And just like that Taisei’s stomach swoops up and down so fast it makes his knees jittery and his fingertips tremble. Yuudai wanted to apologize. To him. Taro looks suspiciously at him, wandering up and down like he’ll find some answers from his flabbergasted figure.

“What the hell happened yesterday?”

“Nothing!” He says and shakes his head, coming back to reality and tries to act normal as he takes off his heavy coat, not meeting Taro’s gaze. “He doesn’t… have to be sorry about yesterday. It was fine.”

“What am I a messenger? You should tell him that yourself,” Taro says and it's meant to be brutal but Taisei looks down at his socked feet and slippers, contemplating.

“You’re right,” he reaches his conclusion and he’s out the door, taking no mind to Taro’s surprised protests. He reaches C4 in only three long strides and he’s knocking on the door before he loses his nerve. He nearly forgets the possibility of Arata answering the door, and he’s a split second away from running away before it opens and.

Yuudai’s standing there.

The door is cracked open enough to only reveal Yuudai, he takes up the entire space and he’s wearing a sweater that comes up his thighs and is bunched around his arms but still goes past his hands anyways. It’s either oversized or he’s just that skinny because it threatens to hang off his left shoulder. Taisei doesn’t dare let his eyes stray lower to see if he’s wearing shorts, mouth going dry at the thought alone.

“Tachibana?” He asks, in a small timid voice, he glances back nervously and Taisei can hear the distant sound of a television and snoring.

“Hi,” Taisei breathes out, not wanting to seem invasive but glancing over Yuudai to see a flash of cream walls, photos hung on the walls, and cluttered shelves before looking back down, “Taro said… You came over.”

“Y—yeah earlier— um. This is really not a good time,” Yuudai whispers lowly, and it’s a vast contrast to the way he’s usually so loud, brash, and mean.

“S—sorry!” Taisei says and Yuudai winces at his loudness so he brings it down a notch, “sorry… I just wanted to tell you real quick that— that you don’t have to apologize. If anything I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” He says in disbelief, “we— we shouldn’t have been uh, doing that… In the hall.”

Taisei shrugs goodnaturedly, trying to decompress the suffocating humiliation that is this entire conversation, “it’s okay really. It wasn’t your fault and ah, haha, we could put it past us.”

“Put it past us, right,” Yuudai nods and they both tense at a particularly loud snore from inside, Taisei notices that Yuudai’s knuckles are purple as they clutch the door tighter. Taisei gives him a smile that he hopes comes off as “what can you do?” but the blonde’s gaze is everywhere and nowhere.

“That’s all I… Wanted to say. And if you ever need anything I’m right across over there.”

“Thank you,” Yuudai blurts, “for the candy and water the other day. You didn’t have to do that.” Taisei gets a brief flashback of Jiro saying something similar about Chie, but he clears it out of his mind as soon as it makes its way there.

“Anytime,” Taisei smiles, wide and genuine, a warmth spreading with it, “have a good night, Tanaka.”

“Night, Tachibana.”

Yuudai closes the door as softly as possible. He holds the door like it’s glass, his eyes are intense as they stare at the knob he holds in his bruised hand, he’s so careful to make sure it doesn’t creak, and the only noise it makes is when the lock clicks shut.

It’s a sight so gentle and telling that the ache returns at full force.

* * *

  
  
Taisei is standing at his mailbox, looking through three people’s worth of mail and hoping to find something exciting but comes up short. His mouth is forming into a pout when he sees Yuudai again.

He’s opening his own compartment, making a low unhappy hum as it lays barren and then glances at Taisei.

“Tachibana,” he greets and Taisei could jump with glee.

“Tanaka! Hi! Were you expecting something in the mail?” He asks to make conversation, he tries not to crumple the papers in his hands as he clutches onto them.

“Yeah, a package,” the blonde mumbles, shutting his door.

“Oh, packages! That’s always exciting. I haven’t ordered something in a while, I think the last thing I ordered was some fake plants to put in our kitchen. I think it really brightens up the room. What’d you order? Wait, I’m sorry, that’s invasive isn’t it?” Taisei rambles, face heating up when he realizes that he started to talk about kitchens at some point.

Yuudai doesn’t look affronted, though a bit overwhelmed but he smiles shakily which is all Taisei could ask for.

“Some cat toys for… my cat. I don’t know if you remember—”

“I remember!” Taisei cuts in and apologizes quickly, “he was meowing so much!”

“She.”

“Huh?”

“She— she’s a girl. My cat,” Yuudai coughs, arms coming up to wrap themselves around himself, “well… Guess I gotta go back upstairs.”

“Yes! I’m sorry I kept you! I just love talking,” he laughs with a dash of low self-esteem.

“Mmgh, it’s no big deal… See you around,” Yuudai walks past him, rushing up the stairs and up to the third floor.

“See you around!” Taisei calls out, watching him go the entire time.

He waits until he hears a door shut before he goes up the stairs as well, hands heavy with wrinkled mail.

* * *

  
  
It’s not as if Taisei had forgotten how all of this truly began.

He’s always had an affinity with looking at the brighter side, even when his spirits dip into an all time low and he’s faced with deep insecurities that revolve around needing to be liked by everyone. Some of the darker aspects of his life, though few and in-between, are not ones Taisei chooses to think about too often and instead copes with them. Albeit, not in the healthiest manner but he’s not yet willing to accept that drinking is not the acceptable route.

If something makes him too sad to think about, he puts it off, surrounding himself with positives, be it friends or alcohol.

That’s why it takes him by another gargantuan surprise when Taisei finds Yuudai, yet again, outside of his apartment.

It shouldn’t be at this point.

It’s happened a decent amount of times that Taisei should have figured it out for himself that it’s just a fact of life. Sometimes Taro spends the night at other people’s houses, sometimes Jiro talks to the fish at work, sometimes Taisei puts on the wrong colored shoes in the morning, and sometimes Yuudai gets locked out of his apartment.

But it still sucks all the air out of him when Yuudai looks up at him in his sitting position, withered expression and hands gnarly with open gashes. Yuudai stands nervously, wincing as his knees pop and he stretches out his back.

“What’s wrong?” Taisei asks like he always does.

“It doesn’t matter,” Yuudai says and Taisei could hear the sore throat. He wants to yell, to tell Yuudai that it does matter because if it hurts, upsets, and angers him, then it matters. He doesn’t say that though.

“... Do I need to call the landlord?”

“No.”

“... Do you have somewhere to go?”

“No.”

Taisei sighs, looking around the barren hallway, “are you going to take another walk?”

“I could,” Yuudai says, but clearly doesn’t want to. The air around him seems different like there’s a secret hanging between them that’s ready to come out. It makes Taisei’s anxiety tingle.

“Tanaka… You’re always welcome to my apartment, Jiro and Taro really won’t mind I promise it’s—it’s better than walking outside, it’s so cold and you should be inside right now—

“Yes.”

“What?”

Yuudai shifts from one foot to another, a nervous habit.

“I could… I want— come with you,” he fumbles and grimaces, clutching onto the bracelet in his hand and tightening a hold onto it, “if it’s… okay.”

Taisei gapes, it’s rude and probably makes Yuudai uncomfortable but there are fireworks bursting all in his stomach, thudding and crashing in bright lights because Yuudai said yes to him. Oh my God, Yuudai said yes and he hasn’t answered!

“Yes!” He all but shouts, a grin splitting at the seams of his cheeks, “Yuudai please come in, I would hate it so much knowing you’re out there. It’s so cold, I can’t stand the cold, I wouldn’t know how to walk in it without a jacket. My favorite season is autumn, seriously, why can’t it be autumn all year round, I was—”

He pauses, smiling shyly but Yuudai doesn’t seem to mind, even if he can’t seem to keep up with the whirlwind that is Taisei. Taisei shuffles towards his apartment, opening the door and letting out a breath to clear his nerves.

“Please come in, Tanaka.”

“Yuudai,” he says quickly, “My… my name is Yuudai and… My favorite season is summer.”

An electric bolt goes through him. Thoughts of autumn and summer living interchangeably together, Taisei in a light jacket, and Yuudai in a long and loose shirt and they’d be together, walking side-by-side as they walk the beach shoreline. His smile softens at the thought.

“Hello Yuudai,” he breathes out, stunned and giddy.

They walk inside together.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It didn't take another month, thank god!  
And yes I did bump the chapter number to ten, hopefully, I won't have to do that again. (This chapter was getting ridiculously long without breaking it in half)
> 
> Fun fact: the three songs I listened to the most when writing this chapter were "we're going to be friends" by the white stripes, "weird around you" by eerie summer, and "in the devil's territory" by sufjan stevens
> 
> Happy reading!

Taisei hadn’t known the effects a person might endure when the mere sight of something makes you momentarily lose a breath.

It’s one of those instances where you don’t realize you’ve never seen said thing until it’s right in front of you. All this time, his memories of Yuudai were ones in the hallway, dim and orange-tinted. The odd chances Taisei saw him outside were few and every time he did, Yuudai was neon-bright due to the natural source of light.

To see Yuudai sitting on the same couch Taisei sprawls on when he’s drunk is a massive trip. He’s bathed in an unknown yet cozy atmosphere, surrounded by the clutter and knick-knacks put there by the life occupying the space.

“I’m sorry about the mess,” Taisei says once he’s regained the ability to breathe and sets down two mugs he’d brought in from the kitchen. One green and one orange with the same white patterned design.

“It’s okay,” Yuudai mumbles, taking the green cup.

The steam rolls off in swirly waves, floating and dissipating before it hits the ceiling. There are wisps of white floating in front of Yuudai’s face as he blows on it, and it all but sputters once he takes a sip that’s clearly piping hot. He winces, smacking his lips together and putting it back down.

Taisei tries to ignore the way he privately watched all that by directing his attention to his own tea, not learning the lesson Yuudai had just displayed for him and ends up scalding his own mouth in the process.

They’ve had their fair share of interactions but at its core, they were strangers sitting too far apart, licking the fronts of their teeth and wincing as their tongues go from soft to a sandpapery texture. It made Taisei want to talk and never stop because maybe the silence that engulfed them was a blanket keeping them isolated from the outside world. If he spoke then maybe he could this bubble _ their _ world.

“You said you have roommates?” Yuudai asks before Taisei even got the chance to think of something.

After the initial shock, he nods, mouth opening and closing like a surprised fish.

“Yeah, I have two of them. One of them is my best friend, we’ve known each other since forever and the other one is his older brother. You’ve seen Jiro before! He was the one I was with when we saw you uh…” Taisei trails off, sheepishly smiling at Yuudai’s withering glare and changes the subject, “but yeah… They’re already asleep cause they have to get up at like, four in the morning.”

“_ What? _ What kind of job do they have?” Yuudai says and that’s enough of a segway for Taisei to get the ball rolling.

He talks about the stall, a happy little shop at the Tsukiji fish market that’s bustling and full of life. He rattles off about the Sakanas, the sushi stall right across from them and Chie, Jiro’s hardcore and lovely girlfriend. Taisei does all he can to make it sound as compelling as possible. At some point, Yuudai had picked his mug back up and held it in his hands, watching Taisei intently as he went off about second-hand stories, courtesy of Jiro and Taro.

He’s in the middle of trying to capture Jiro’s anger towards the pesky crabs that like to bite at his fingers when Yuudai takes a long sip of his tea.

At that very moment, Yuudai’s eyes had fluttered closed for a fraction of a second, inhaling the tea’s scent as he swallows. A stray droplet falls from his lower lip that he catches and quickly wipes away.

Taisei doesn’t realize he’s trailed off until Yuudai looks up at him confused as to why he’s stopped.

“Uh! Yeah!” Taisei continues, throat dry and clears his throat to shake himself out of it, “That’s them! I could do without the constant fish smell but they make sure to wash up so it’s not too bad,” Taisei gives a good-natured chuckle, trying to clear his head by chugging his tea.

God, he wishes it was alcohol.

“I was meaning to ask before but um… How old are you?” Yuudai asks after Taisei takes a huge gulp.

“Oh uh, twenty-two!”

Yuudai nods, “I’m twenty-five.”

“Woah, really? I mean, that’s not a bad thing— you did seem _ older _ but I wouldn’t have guessed that.”

Taisei thought about what he would be like if he was twenty-five. He would like to think by then he’d grow out some kind of stubble and was a little less clumsy. More mature in a way but without letting go of his childlike tendencies.

“Did you go to school near here?”

That must have been the wrong thing to say because Yuudai shifts uncomfortably, pulling himself farther away from Taisei.

“No,” he says, clipped.

They seem miles apart on this couch.

If Taisei would invest in throw pillows he would at least have something to clutch onto. Yuudai then deflates like a hot air balloon, a long sigh escaping him as he looks at Taisei apologetically.

“What do you do?” Yuudai asks, moving on and less prickly, “I just ask cause… You’re always wearing a suit when I see you.”

Taisei bursts out laughing before clamping his mouth shut, looking over to Jiro and Taro’s room but after a few seconds, he deems it safe.

“It’s nothing too exciting but I’m uh… Assistant director of foreign sales? It’s for this No.ped Scooter Company. I got promoted a little while ago so there’s that.”

“Businessman,” Yuudai mumbles, a lopsided smile on his face as he takes that information in.

“Yeah, I mean,” Taisei flusters, “it’s not a big deal— That’s not to say I’m not proud. I studied the ins and outs of business theory in school, and my family is big about teaching business so it wasn’t too hard to understand… I have a pretty good grasp of it. I got that promotion for a reason, gehehe…”

“You must be good,” Yuudai says with a tad bit of astonishment but Taisei doesn’t take offense to it.

He knows with the way he presents himself outside of work is a huge difference from how he is behind the desk. He appreciates that Yuudai leaves it at that rather than saying something more along the lines of “how could _ you _ ever be good at that?” or “you’re _ joking _ right?”

“I guess I am good,” he smiles, “Learning business was hard work but exciting, I know it came naturally to me than others like… Like Jiro? I love the guy, and he’s super smart but when it comes to office work and math? Totally not his jam.”

Yuudai snorts at the mention of Jiro, “I could tell just by looking at the guy.”

“Hey,” Taisei says but without any heat, though it doesn’t stop Yuudai from tensing up. He laughs lightly to secretly tell Yuudai “it’s okay. What you said was okay.” He’ll make sure to go out of his way to defend Jiro’s honor the next time.

“I like math,” Yuudai suddenly says like he wanted too earlier but forgot.

“Yeah?”

“Mmhm.”

“Cool!”

“Yeah,” Yuudai drinks more of his tea, close to finishing it. Taisei’s leg shakes with uncertainty but keeps a brave face.

“So what about you?” Taisei asks.

“What about me?”

“Are you living it up as a math teacher? Or do you own a pet store? I can never tell by your uh, clothes,” Taisei says and when he doesn’t get a response right away he adds, “Unless you don’t work which is perfectly fine! Sorry for asking”

“No I uh… I… Work,” Yuudai’s hands keep cradling the mug, smoothing his fingers on the handle in slow motions, “I’m just a cashier at this… Coffee shop a few streets away. It’s near the park, I think.”

“Oh!” Recognition flashes Taisei’s eyes, “I think I’ve seen it before! It’s got these brick walls, and sign above the door uh... It’s called um… Happy Coffee?”

“Fine Coffee.”

“Yeah that! I never thought to go in, what with uh,” he gestures vaguely towards the kitchen, “having a coffee machine for myself and all. Do you like it there? You must get a whole free supply of coffee, now _ that _ sounds like a dream.”

“Um yeah, I do get… Free coffee. And discounts on the pastries… We have these… C—chocolate chip muffins that we make every day and if there’s any leftover by the end of my shift, I’m allowed to take as many as I want home,” a smile pops up as he keeps talking, even with his furrowed eyebrows that make him look just a little bit evil. Yuudai’s never talked this long before and it mystifies Taisei, the big stupid grin on his face is completely wide and visible.

“That’s so cool! Do you take anything else home? If you guys have those linzer cookies— the one with the shortbread and jam? — oh gosh, I’d go against myself and do my best to _ not _ sell them just so I can take them home,” Taisei says in earnest.

Yuudai’s gaze wavers but never fully leaves his.

“Y—yes! We do have them, but there’s never any by the end of the day.”

“Jeez, I guess I’d have to come pretty early, huh?”

“You’d come?”

Taisei blinks. The other man was watching him attentively as if he was searching for a deeper meaning in Taisei’s face. His eyes were vivid with light and a sort of helplessness that felt surreal. There was a story there. He got this uncanny feeling that Yuudai would run if he’s discovered Taisei was lying to him.

“Yeah I would,” Taisei replies, honestly.

“... We don’t have a lot of stuff other than drinks but… Besides the muffins, we have croissants. They’re good breakfast,” Yuudai says, a scratchiness to his voice that becomes prominent when he’s speaking so quietly like now.

He’s reminded of the hoarseness left after a screaming match.

“What?” Yuudai asks when Taisei doesn’t say anything.

He shrugs, flashing a careful grin, “Nothing that was very interesting! I’m just… I’m curious uh… What happened today?”

It doesn’t go unnoticed the way Yuudai grips the cup tighter, but somehow Taisei knows that Yuudai’s anger is not towards him. Though he still feels bad about making him uncomfortable.

“Do you… Really forget your keys that often?”

Yuudai snorts, “No, I’m not stupid.”

“I know you’re not.” That makes Yuudai’s face contort and he puts down his mug with a little too much force. It clatters angrily against the table and, with his hands now free, he crosses his arms and holds himself.

“... Look, I know what it _ looks _ like, alright?” He snaps, not meeting Taisei’s eye.

“What does what look like?” Taisei asks, puzzled.

Yuudai starts to make a backhanded quip but he stops as he chokes around it. The genuine bewilderment on Taisei’s face must have awoken something in him to stop being such an asshole.

“Okay… Okay, so…” Yuudai struggles.

“You don’t have to tell—”

“It’s whatever,” Yuudai grits out, taking another long pause, “That guy you saw me with? We live together because we’re… Y’know,” Yuudai makes some sort of hand gesture that Taisei doesn’t really get, “and we’ve been at it for five years now but this is our first time… Living together.”

Taisei nods along, urging him to keep going.

“No one tells you how things _ change _. Before, anytime we were in a bad mood we’d just… Go our separate ways. Cause we could do that! Well, ha, not anymore…” Taisei’s stomach drops when Yuudai’s eyes appear faraway as if reliving memories.

“‘Look,” Yuudai says, “I know it sounds pathetic but I’m not some damn battered wife or whatever you’re thinking. Arata he— he has a temper. And I’ve _ known _ that. I’ve always known that,” he bites his lower lip, “so he doesn’t like me being around when he gets all fucking worked up.”

“So he… Asks you to leave?” Taisei tries to combat this rotten sensation from swelling up any further. He _ hopes _ Yuudai says no, that maybe this _ Arata _ guy is better than that. Whenever Taisei’s parents fought, they’d take a deep breath and talk about it quietly in their bedroom. They work it out.

“Something like that,” Yuudai mumbles, and the mystery in that makes Taisei’s hair at the back of his neck stand.

“Don’t look at me like that. He just… He knows it’ll be a bad idea for me to stick around and I have to give him his space. And, to be fair, I need the space too so… Win, win, right?”

“Do you also… Ask him to leave when you need to be alone?” Taisei asks, afraid of the answer.

“Pfft, _ no _. Arata doesn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“And you do?”

“... Okay, that’s different.”

“How so?” Taisei’s curious, if not the barest hint of vindictive that is so unlike him it’s scary.

“I can handle it,” Yuudai grits out.

“But he can’t?”

Taisei doesn’t get a reply, and it eats away at him when he sees Yuudai glaring at him, this time he is aiming his frustrations towards Taisei. When Yuudai starts getting up, Taisei raises his hands, stopping him.

“Wait— wait, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that was… Too much,” Taisei hangs his head, disappointed in himself, “did you… Eat already? I think we have leftovers in the fridge that you can take if you’re hungry.”

“Why?”

“Why…?”

“You’re always trying to give me food. Is that your _ thing _ or something?” Yuudai says and self-consciousness creeps up on Taisei. 

“N—no it’s not!”

“I’m joking.”

A pause.

And then Taisei’s snorting, laughing obnoxiously behind his hand and Yuudai leans back, no longer seconds away from bolting out of the apartment. The constant flip-flopping of moods makes Taisei a little dizzy but he was raised with four other siblings way more whacky than Yuudai. Though Yuudai is his own brand of eccentric and maybe it’s why Taisei feels a sort of tether towards him.

He looks over Yuudai once the laughter dies down to giggles and he’s out of breath, “Does that mean you don’t want the food or…?”

“I’d be an idiot to pass up free food,” Yuudai says and Taisei’s up on his feet, marching to the kitchen.

Just as anticipated, there are several containers of meat, rice, and vegetables. He picks the fullest one, pushing against the lid as it’s tightly sealed with a bit of everything and heating it up in the microwave. Once he serves it, Yuudai is visibly holding himself back from stuffing it all in his face. He must have been pretty hungry.

“So, do you do this with all your neighbors?” Yuudai asks, rice stuck beside his mouth, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you do.”

“No but…” Taisei shrugs, leaving it at that. He’s distracted by the bits of grain clinging to Yuudai’s cheek and he has to fight to keep his hand down, “you have um… Rice,” he points.

“I do?” Yuudai says through his food, one of his cheeks bulging and hastily he wipes at it, missing it.

“Gahaha, almost! Here!”

Taisei’s the stupidest man alive.

After he _specifically thought_ to himself _not_ to do something he goes ahead and does it anyway. It only registers once he has his thumb against the side of Yuudai’s face and he catches the rice. It breaks his brain and he goes completely immobile, his hand _unmoving. _ All he can think about is how small Yuudai’s face is against his hand and the way his eyes are wide with? With horror? Disgust?

That’s when an alert that sounds like bells and twinkles is heard from Yuudai’s pocket. Taisei pulls away like he’s been set on fire and Yuudai hurriedly reaches for his phone, flipping it open and whatever he sees on screen makes him frown. His eyes remain frantic.

“I uh— I—it’s Arata,” Yuudai murmurs, pushing the food away and standing up.

“Oh? W—what did he say?” Taisei stutters, a strange twinge of guilt taking a jab at his insides.

“He says I can come back he’s… He’s relaxed,” Yuudai refuses to look his way as he rushes over to the doorway, tugging on his shoes. Taisei runs after him, face undoubtedly red which he tries to will away.

“That sounds um… Good? You’re gonna be okay?” Taisei asks.

“I’m _ fine _”

“Okay…”

Yuudai inhales sharply, hands coming up to his temples and rubbing them in circles before slouching and exhaling. “... Thank you, Tachibana. You didn’t have to bring my pathetic ass in but you did so… Yeah, thanks or, whatever.”

“Tanaka,” Taisei starts, faltering and sighing as well, “you’re always welcome. If you need somewhere to go don’t hesitate to knock.”

“Sure,” Yuudai says, and it doesn’t sound set to stone at all. He gives Taisei a final look, a sort of troubled smile that doesn’t meet his eyes before he’s out the door, not letting Taisei say goodnight. 

Taisei thunks his head against the wood, eyes screwing shut as he groans.

He’s so _ stupid _.

* * *

Taisei’s grateful for having work back to back for the next three days.

His brain won’t allow him to stew in a depressive heap when he has documents to print and letters to write. When he clocks out, he keeps his mind whirring and goes blackout drinking.

Jiro carries him in half the time, cursing and berating him but it’s all out of worry. Even when he drops Taisei too hard on the floor.

His brain feels like it’s underwater and all his thoughts are unorganized fish crashing into one another and blowing frantic bubbles. So many bubbles. People have told him he’s an airhead, but no, Taisei thinks they’re wrong. He’s an oceanhead; strange, unorthodox, and severely damaged due to humans ruining it.

Or he’s really hungover.

“You’re hungover,” Jiro tells him when Taisei goes on a weepy rant about how he wishes he could go back to being an uncontaminated body of water, beautiful and free.

He wonders if Yuudai would like to be one too.

* * *

  
Taisei made it to the front entrance before tripping over his feet and crashing hard against the floor in a mess of sloppy limbs.

Thank God for alcohol numbing his entire body.

It’s future Taisei’s pain to deal with when he eventually has to examine the bruises on his torso and go “what the hell did I do last night?” Right now, he’s a mess on the floor, giggling and hiccuping as he tries to put all his parts back together. At some point, he manages to stand but his knees buckle and he hits a wall corner that makes him groan “ow!” out loud.

So he may have overdone it tonight.

_ Whatever. _

“Jiro,” he slurs into the phone after picking Jiro’s contact name and calling him, “_ Jiroooo.” _

The man picks up, voice thick with sleep, “Taisei?”

“Jiro!!! Oh man, ah man,” Taisei laughs, head thunking against the wall behind him, “Bro, I _ can’t _ get up.”

“Where are you?!”

“Downstairs! Down all those… _Steps…_ _Gahaha_! I can’t feel my legs dude!” He smiles all wobbly and large when he hears Jiro’s defeated sigh.

“I’ll go come get you,” Jiro grumbles.

“Yay! Thank you, thank you sooo much… My savior,” he hiccups, a hot wash of alcohol creeping up his throat that he burps through hastily. Gross. He tosses his phone down, making himself comfortable against the wall, humming to himself and slouching so far he almost falls over.

But can he really fall over when he’s already sitting down?

Hm.

“Jesus Christ,” Jiro says when he sees him in a heap on the floor, “you’re lucky no ones out right now! Taisei this is the fourth time you’ve come home drunk, I’m starting to get worried.” He’s lecturing Taisei the entire time as he struggles to tug his arms up, letting Taisei’s heavy body flop onto his back. “Hgh, come on man! You’re taller than me, you gotta help me out a little.”

“Jirooo,” Taisei slurs, arms hanging uselessly and legs bent as Jiro drags him up the stairs. He winces every time his knees hit and drag against the steps.

Jiro’s wheezing like a fish out of water by the time they’re halfway up the second staircase. In a fit of panic, Taisei’s weight _ almost _ slips from his grasp which would have made him topple all the way down.

“Buddy, you gotta give me a break!” Jiro spits out, seconds away from collapsing when they make it to the third floor.

“What the fuck?”

Taisei’s head whips up at the familiar voice, chest squeezing tight at the sight of the blonde plaguing his thoughts sat outside in a… Big sweater. He’s swimming in it. _ Swimming _. A bitter taste coats Taisei’s tongue when he thinks whether or not it’s… Rata?

Rat?

Fuck it, Ratata’s sweater.

What if Yuudai wore _Taisei’s_ sweater? Now that. _That_ sounds good.

Wait what’s going on?

Oh yeah!

“Tanaka!” Taisei shouts and Jiro elbows him in the stomach, “oof!”

“Stop shouting in my ear, you’re spitting everywhere! God, you’re so gross!” Jiro says sharply before sending an apologetic glance to Yuudai, “sorry for interrupting your uh… What are you doing out here?”

“None of your fucking business…” Yuudai hisses at Jiro, but then his gaze then softens ever so slightly when it flickers back to Taisei, “What’s wrong with him?” 

“This idiot’s drunk _ again, _” Jiro huffs and squeaks when Taisei slips, knees slamming hard against the floor.

“_ Oww _ ,” Taisei groans and is manhandled all the way to the door, head lolling and drool probably pooling and spilling at the edge of his mouth. “That hurt… That _ hurt, _ Jiro!,” he whines.

“Is he okay?” Yuudai asks, taking one step forward but stopping when Taisei looks up with hyperactive eyes, forgetting the pain as soon as it happened.

“Tanaka… Tanaka how are you?!? You c—can come in, keep this party going, gehehe!”

“Taisei, shut up!” Jiro says at the same time Yuudai says, “I’m fine.” And though his eyebrows are pinched, there’s that same nervous smile on his face. It’s like he never learned how to properly do it before.

That’s _ wild. _

Imagine not knowing how to _ smile? _ Taisei wants Yuudai to smile all the time. Smile and smile and smile until all his teeth fall out.

“Be careful,” Taisei thinks he hears Yuudai say, but his head is getting that point where everything’s slowly but surely becoming dizzy.

Oh man, he’s blacking out.

“Eugh,” Taisei stuffs his face in the crook of Jiro’s neck and he could feel Jiro speak, shoulders flexing and jaw moving.

He glances up, Yuudai still standing an odd way away, and when they lock eyes, Taisei gives him a secret smile.

That’s all he remembers before running out of bed in the morning to throw up, the feeling of a bullet ricocheting in his skull, and a strangely light chest. If he tries really hard, he can see Yuudai from last night, eyes crinkling and nose scrunching when he saw Taisei giving him a dopey ass grin.

* * *

  
  


Taisei vows to never drink _ again _

Taro tells him that he’s being overdramatic and he’ll only last by the end of the week and though Taisei knows it’s true, he takes offense anyways because “heyyy, have a little more faith in me!” 

Jiro wanted to talk about it with him but it’s an overly emotional discussion that neither are ready to have so they casually gloss over it with quips and jokes. It’s a problem for another day.

Besides, tonight the thought of alcohol makes him queasy and he can’t handle spending an outrageous amount of money on those pork belly skewers bars often tempt him with. Even if they whisper his name like a faraway enchantress.

Nope, no drinking tonight and that’s final!

He’ll take an extra-long walk around the park, taking in the sights of happy families and their children taking over the playground. Not a single swing set is free of these little terrors.

Taisei sees an ordinary alley cat walking along a tall black fence, its tail pointed straight and chin angled upwards. The fur was matted around the paws and his whiskers were impressively long. Taisei didn’t mind when he pet its head and it swatted at him. Its fur was golden and its eyes were large and golden brown. It reminded Taisei of Yuudai.

God, not this again. Taisei laughs at himself as he pushes those thoughts to the back.

There are still rustic colored leaves clinging onto the trees in desperation, and Taisei thinks it’s autumn stubbornly trying to hang on as long as possible. Though the harsh biting winds say winter, the sky screams Halloween as it is set ablaze with fiery embers and Taisei finds himself halting to take several pictures of the sun peeking through the dead trees.

Then he’s going home, making a quick pit stop at the gas station and stops a second time for another impromptu photoshoot with the sky

Then he walks with a bag of peach candy, throwing them up and catching it in his mouth. It’s a sad endeavor every time he misses and it falls to the ground.

Sometimes he thinks “what if I pick it up and eat it anyway?”

He never does.

There’s a woman on the first floor with electric blue hair and a plethora of earrings, she waves at him when he comes in. He compliments her look and she thanks him, grinning widely. There’s a trio of friends on the second floor, no older than fifteen, filming some sort of video in the hallway. They’re gasping for air, laughter has since turned into coughing and Taisei wonders what jokes he’s missed.

Never a dull moment.

Then he’s on the third floor and Yuudai is sitting at the top of the step, knees pulled up with a book balanced on top.

He’s in the middle of turning a page when he sees Taisei and snaps his book closed. He pulls it close and through the gaps of his fingers, Taisei can see the pink cover and drawn on sparkles.

“You’re here early,” he says and Taisei stupidly watches him stand up, taking in the impossibly large sweater and the way his pants don’t come down all the way his ankles, “Not drunk tonight, huh?”

“T—Tanaka! Hey uhh,” Taisei fumbles and trying to keep his eyes trained on Yuudai’s face rather than the sweater sleeves all bunched around his elbows, “What are you doing out here? Are you um… ‘Locked out’ again?”

Yuudai shakes his head and the bit of relief that comes with it is welcomed.

“Nah, I’m… Basically alone for tonight,” Yuudai glances at his apartment, “Genius in there thought it’d be a good idea to celebrate at five in the afternoon with a bottle of sake. He’s been passed out for like an hour now.”

“Oh wow, haha, celebrating? What were you guys celebrating?”

Yuudai rolls his eyes, “Our fourth month moving in together.”

“Oh uh… Wow! Congratulations?” Taisei says it like a question, half because the other man is unhappy about this, the other because Taisei’s confused. Do people celebrate that?

“Yeah, whoop-de-doo,” Yuudai says, vinegar underlying his words, “Funny because we’ve never celebrated any other month.”

“Oh yeah, I thought it was kinda weird! No offense to your uh— guy. I know people do six month things! Or year things! I’ve never heard of a four month anniversary…” Taisei smiles tightly, “Haha, it sounds like he just wanted to drink.” 

“Yup,” Yuudai pops the “P” at the end, “my cat is all snuggled up with him and asleep and well, there’s nothing else to do. I don’t want to wake them up.”

They stand for a few seconds, an unsaid question sitting in the air and Taisei, though not the brightest in terms of socialism, _ can _ pick up some cues. His smile unclenches into something more welcoming, he jingles his keys in his hand.

“... Do you wanna come inside?”

“Would you let me?”

“Tanaka,” Taisei breathes, “you don’t even have to ask.”

“... Don’t invite strangers into your house,” the blonde mumbles, “that’s how you get killed.”

“You sound like Jiro.”

Yuudai grimaces, “Ugh, don’t say that.”

“And you’re not a stranger,” Taisei adds, walking over to the door and unlocking it.

“Oh?”

“No! You’re my neighbor,” he opens the door, glancing down and noticing that Taro and Jiro’s shoes are not there.

“Same difference.”

“It’s really not,” Taisei laughs and looking over his shoulder where Yuudai has his book clutched against his stomach, and appearing hesitant. “Come on!”

They go inside.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gave up trying to guess how many chapters this is gonna be so it'll be a surprise for both you and me!  
A lot of the dialogue is courtesy of Madeline Rupert (the famous Hypraman argument scene in Sakana!!!) and was really fun to do!  
Small detail: I am autistic and hc Taisei as autistic as well, and that's defintely how I've been writing him so that's always fun to keep in mind!
> 
> Fun fact: two songs I listened to a lot when writing this chapter were: "square" and "I want you" both by mitski!
> 
> Happy reading!

Taisei ordered takeout because even though he’s a grown-ass man it doesn’t mean he has the attention span to follow a recipe.

“How can someone so smart be such a disaster?” His middle school home economics teacher once said behind his back. She had said it under her breath like she couldn’t help it, and no one was supposed to hear it but Taisei did. She said it after he completely bombed trying to make omurice by himself for the first time. It involved a ruined pan, black smoke, and a very small fire. It was under control! The class didn’t even have to evacuate!

That didn’t matter.

Right now, Taisei and Yuudai are sat down at the couch, open boxes of cheap meat buns and soup dumplings laid out on the table with a popped open bottle of red wine sat in the middle.

Though Yuudai had shaken his head at first offer of wine, he changed his mind soon after and said: “Okay, I’ll have a _ little _.”

Taisei’s glass is filled to the brim while Yuudai’s barely goes past an inch. Yuudai doesn’t really drink it as much as he swirls it, watching the light bounce off the dark liquid. Every time he takes little kitten sips, he hums before swallowing it.

Taisei’s at his second glass so his body is comfortably loose, he feels _ good _ but not sloppy. If he’s shoveling meat buns too aggressively in his mouth, well, Yuudai chooses not to comment on it.

They’re in the middle of laughing and it causes Taisei to choke on a mouthful of pork, which only makes them laugh even harder. Taisei is unapologetic, throwing his head back and clutching onto his stomach while Yuudai does all he can to appear composed.

His shoulders are shaking as he tries to eat his own fist through his laughing fit.

Taisei was telling him about the cat he saw today and Yuudai had all but lit up, cutting him off to talk about the dog he saw that reminded him of Taisei. The thought of two men excitedly going back and forth about animals was too much.

“It had hair over its eyes!” Yuudai said in delight and they both couldn’t help but dissolve into giggles from the ridiculousness of it all.

The heater in the corner proves to be a ruckus as it keeps clicking and clacking without ever getting hot. At some point, they’ve had the bright idea to take a thick comforter to drape over their legs to battle the cold. Yuudai snuggles against it, a sight that squeezes Taisei pleasantly and he submerges himself in the softness.

“To fourth months,” Taisei says after they’ve calmed down, lifting up his half-empty glass.

“Four months,” Yuudai meets him in the middle with a gentle _ ‘clink _.’

“So I have to ask,” Taisei starts after taking a long sip, “why’d you decide to move here? You said you lived across town before right?”

He nods, “yeah, but we― well Arata, really― he thought it’d be a good idea to live somewhere close to my job. It’s been really convenient, what with the short walk and not having to deal with transportation. It’s… Pretty nice.”

“Ah, yeah that makes sense! I ride my moped everywhere so I don’t have to take the train. Jiro and Taro have to though.”

“Where are they by the way? I’m starting to think you don’t actually have roommates.”

“Gehehe, don’t worry I’m not hiding them from you. Sometimes, they have brother days, y’know?” Taisei says, even though some insecurity swells up and he’s restless wanting to know why he wasn’t invited, “they’re probably with their uncle or something.”

He changes the subject, “so hows city life treating you?”

“I’ve lived here for like five years,” Yuudai reminds him, “But I haven’t really seen much… When I lived in my old apartment I just knew the immediate area and the route to work. And now work is so close so…”

“Haven’t you ever visited Harajuku? Minato city?”

“Uh no, never.”

“_Never?! _” Taisei exclaims, “We should go sometime!”

“_We? _”

“Yeah! Why not,” Taisei says brightly, pulling out his phone to check his calendar but stops at his home screen, “oh wow, it’s almost nine.”

Yuudai squints, “_ Huh? _ It’s that late already?”

That meant they’ve been talking, eating, and drinking for three hours straight with no word from Jiro or Taro. Worriedly, Taisei shoots them a text and closes his phone. It’s only now sinking in this is the longest time he and Yuudai have hung out. And when he looks over, Yuudai is busy with his flip phone, looking at his empty inbox and looking towards the front door. The sign that he’s getting antsy.

"No call from your uh… from him yet?” Taisei asks.

Yuudai glances up, “No… I can get going if you―”

“Why would I want that?” When the blonde just stares back at him Taisei laughs awkwardly, “It’s fine, I swear! We can uh… Watch T.V if you want?” 

He scrambles for the remote, unsure why his brain had a momentary breakdown. Maybe it was because Taisei had revealed something so unintentionally honest. He’d like to think of himself as an honest person who holds back when necessary. He’s not sure what it means that Yuudai managed to crack a bit of his “normalness.”

When he presses down on the power button, another piece of him is suddenly put on blast for all to see. 

Hypraman is playing.

The episode looks to have just started. The space aesthetic pours out of the screen and the theme song is in the middle of playing, becoming a natural earworm that fills the room. Hypraman strikes his famous pose in front of the backdrop of stars before the title card is played. 

The humiliation is _unbearable_.

Taisei’s face is burning hot, flustered as he stutters through half-sentences as the horrifying ordeal of accidentally letting someone know you _ enjoy _ things sets in. Especially one so typically childish and targetted towards what people would assume to be an _ immature _ audience. He can hear it in the way his coworkers talk about “those silly cartoons” and their split-second doubt when Taisei reveals too much of himself. He’s young in his field and it’s obvious as the many observant eyes watch him, _ waiting _ for him to mess up.

“We can change the channel!” Taisei says, smile way too wide and nerves going haywire, “I don’t― I don’t even know why this was on haha.”

“Oh no, it’s good.”

“... Eh?”

“It’s good, leave it on,” Yuudai says, and when Taisei looks at him his eyes are trained on the screen. He’s still cozied up in the blankets, and not, in fact, mocking Taisei at all.

He’s stunned, watching Yuudai for a solid fifteen seconds. Taisei expects him to pop up and yell “just kidding! Can you change the channel now?!” but he doesn’t do that. Instead, he looks confusedly at Taisei.

“What is it?”

“Nothing,” Taisei says too quickly, “I’m… Uh. Do… Do you um? Like? Hypraman??”

“Yeess?” Yuudai says, before flicking his eyes back to the screen.

“Ah… Do you have a little sibling or something?”

“Hm? No, I’m an only child.”

“Ah.”

Taisei glances back and forth between two important figures. One of them his hero, and the other his neighbor. The elation starts at his fingertips, trembling slightly as it creeps up to his thudding pulse and traveling all the way to the arteries that lead straight to his heart. He’s sure it’s going to pop out of his chest. There’s nothing more intense than having something _ special _ and having people know about it.

To _ like _ it as well.

Taisei clearly wants to talk more but doesn’t know where to begin, eyes wide as he tries to control himself, “you really don’t mind?”

“It’s season six, episode eight. The one with the shark mermaids. It’s a pretty good episode,” the blonde rattles off like it’s _ nothing _.

Taisei exhales shakily, feeling like he might swallow his own tongue. 

Yuudai lifts an eyebrow questioningly, “Is there a problem?”

“No! I’m― I’m j― Oh my god!” Taisei bursts, unable to stop his hands from flapping, like his body is trying to release the bottled up excitement, “It’s just that! Hypraman means a lot to me! That sounds stupid but it’s not!! I have a whole notes section on my phone about the show and its impact, I was thinking about writing an analysis paper on it, seriously! Like, okay, to start, I have to mention how it’s a cinematic blend of high-octane sci-fi energy and real-world sociological commentary that makes the series an instant classic whose cultural significance cannot be overstated! I can even―” He stops when he sees Yuudai’s wide eyes and _ fuck, he’s made a mistake _. “I’ve talked too much, haven’t I?”

“I… Didn’t know you felt so strongly about the show,” Yuudai says, breathless and it makes Taisei want to crawl in a hole and _ die. _

That is until he’s interrupted.

“What’s your favorite season?!” Yuudai demands, fire back in his eyes that startles Taisei. He regains his composure quickly.

“Now that’s an impossible question!” Taisei shoots off, “I wanted to talk about that too and argue that every single season has its own unique strengths that make them _ all _ valuable.”

Yuudai sputters, “Are you **fucking** _joking!_? Did you even _see_ the atrocities that were the Christmas specials?!”

“Of course I do! What kind of a fan do you take me for?! But yes! Even the Christmas specials! Although.. I try not to think about them too much… But it’s still an amazing show! I love all the seasons _ equally _!”

“How could you _ say _ that?!” Yuudai shouts and oh that manic look is _ interesting, _ “I can’t just listen you talk about how all the seasons are great when season five is **clearly** superior in every conceivable way!”

“**A-hah**! So that’s your favorite season! Interesting how that’s the season where they broke away from the traditional monster of the week format in favor of a deep romantic subplot! And guessing from that shoujo manga you’ve been trying to hide all night, I’m marking you down as a secret romantic!” Taisei says, delighted by all the dots he’s connecting.

Yuudai blushes, the redness high on his cheekbones and slams his hands down on the couch cusions, “How’d you know it was a shoujo manga huh!?”

“Because I know that cover anywhere! It’s Cardcaptor Sakura, is it not?!” 

Yuudai honest to god _ gasps _, pointing at him accusingly and is ready to go on another rant before an explosion occurs on the television set that has both their heads whip around to watch it happen.

“We will resume this after this episode!!” Taisei says, watching intently.

“Deal.”

One episode turns into two, and two turns to three. By then they’ve made it a habit to slip in comments about certain plot elements and talk about certain cinematography shots that “raises the bar for the film industry.” Taisei’s favorite part is when they both agree on the symbolism behind Hypraman’s subtle but noteworthy costume changes through different seasons.

“I’m so glad they decided to get rid of the cape from season one,” Yuudai mentions and Taisei throws his hands up in the air and shouts “thank you!!”

They stay quiet during the important parts of the episode, each of them taking in the build-up of scenes and Taisei takes notes in his head to bring up.

Yuudai had pulled his knees up somewhere after the second episode and he’s kept them there ever since. It must not be very comfortable after a while as he starts adjusting every so often but refuses to lay them down. Taisei is in the middle of vibrating with pure joy when all the hair at the back of his neck sticks up when one of Yuudai’s knee grows lazy and the barest graze of a socked foot brushes against Taisei’s leg.

It’s hardly a graze, but Yuudai doesn’t pull away, too invested in the episode. It becomes the only thing Taisei can think about.

There’s a thought that crosses his mind that he easily dismisses because it’ll be pushing it _ for sure. _

That doesn’t stop him from secretly mulling over the idea of having the confidence to say “just stretch out your legs over my lap.”

The blanket helps. It keeps their legs hidden and if taisei pushes his leg a little closer, then who’s to say?

Taisei glances at Yuudai’s profile.

His nose is a long and round at the end, upper lip jutting out just the slightest bit, like a permanent pout. His eyelashes are hard to see, short and blonde and his hair frames the sides of his face, grown out longer since the first time he’d seen him. What looks to be the start of a growing mullet sits at the back of his head, peeking out in sharp angles and Taisei wonders if it’s long enough to pull into a ponytail. 

To think that Yuudai would have been in his apartment all alone hits him.

Though Arata would have been _ physically _ there, Yuudai would have been up and about by himself, perhaps continuing to read or ordering takeout for one. Maybe he would have gotten in bed, laid out on his side as he sits with his own thoughts and the other side of the bed would remain vacant. Would he have tried to have a conversation with himself out of pure boredom? Taisei does that whenever he gets lonely.

Yuudai’s leg twitches and Taisei feels the movement against the side of his thigh. His hand itches underneath the blanket, curious fingers wondering if they could wrap around the entirety of Yuudai’s ankle. He could speak up now and give Yuudai the opportunity to lay part of himself on Taisei. Just lay on me. _ Lay on me. _

“... If you want―”

The sharp sound of a phone alert cuts him off.

Yuudai jolts in surprise at the sound, body moving away and legs falling off the couch as he sits up.

A moment broken.

“Arata woke up,” Yuudai says, and tenses when two more alerts come in and he types something out, scowling as _ more _ come in. “He keeps asking me where I am… Shit.” His forehead went from smooth crinkled as his eyebrows grow angry and a familiar scowl returns as he angrily types out and deletes what he wants to say. There’s a certain fear radiating off him that Taisei knows he has to fix.

“You can tell him you stepped out to buy something.”

“At 10:30 p.m?!” Yuudai’s phone pings three more times.

“There’s a twenty-four-hour gas station a few blocks away! You can say you went there!” Taisei grows annoyed as more incessant messages come on through. He peeks down, noticing that Yuudai only has two message conversations.

“Agh, screw it,” Yuudai says and goes with Taisei’s idea before hitting send.

They wait a few more seconds until a new alert comes in.

Yuudai’s frown grows severe, “He asked me to get him beer… Right. What did I expect?” He drags a hand across his face, “Now I have to go get some.”

“No need!” Taisei says, “I feel bad so um… Just take some of mine.”

Taisei doesn’t wait for him to reply, he gets up and goes over to the kitchen. In all honesty, he needed to get out of there. Once Yuudai said _ Arata’s _ name, Taisei had gone hot and his legs began to sweat as an unsettling weight slammed against him. The discomfort lingers as he opens the plastic bag drawer, taking one of many and starts stuffing cans of beer inside like it’s his only mission.

He spares a glance at the half-empty bag of peach candy on the counter he had left and puts it in as well.

“Why are you doing this?” Yuudai asks, standing by the doorway, watching Taisei move frantically.

“You needed help,” Taisei says simply, not watching the way the blonde shakes his head. He ties a knot around the bag, reaching out to have it over and he almost doubles over when Yuudai’s fingers brush his. 

_ Stop. _

Taisei smiles, clapping his hands together, “You’re all set!”

“Hey... Why are you so nice to me? I’m just your neighbor,” Yuudai asks, staring at the bag with a certain wonderment and a voice brimming with an emotion he cannot name.

“You’re my friend,” Taisei says and it’s true. It’s true and a lot more. It’s true and it scares Taisei if he thinks about it too much.

Their eyes lock and he _ can’t _ do this. He can’t handle those brown eyes staring him down like _ that _. It makes Taisei feel like he’s under the bright lights of an operation table, exposed and open in the worst way possible. He can’t take back their Hypraman discussions or the way his mouth grew dry when Yuudai whispered a catchphrase from the show like he couldn’t help it. Taisei bared witness to it.

Yuudai had seen Taisei stim, whether he knows it or not.

He doesn’t let just anyone see that.

They’re jolted out of their moment when the sound of an unlocking door pierces through them like a gunshot.

“Tachibana! We’re alive!” Taro calls out from the front door. The chaotic sound of shuffling, conversation, and bumping against furniture is a tornado sweeping in and taking them out. “Hey! What’s all this junk in the living room!”

“You better be cleaning this up!” Jiro warns, and his footsteps grow close. For some reason _ disappointment _ washes over Taisei, and the apartment doesn’t feel the same.

Jiro crashes in like a whirlwind, “And why the heck did you get so much food?! Taisei, hey―” he stops when he sees Yuudai, sticking out like a sore thumb in their kitchen.

“Oh uh… Hello?”

“I should go,” Yuudai mutters, going past him and grabbing his book from the couch.

“Let me walk you out,” Taisei chases after him without sparing Jiro a hello. Taisei does give him a _ look _ over his shoulder that says “we’ll talk _ later.” _

Taro sees the two of them barrelling through, bewildered by the sight of Yuudai gathering up his jacket and phone but getting over it in no time, “Woah there! Not even gonna introduce us, Tachibana?”

“Not right now! We’ll talk about it after!” Taisei promises as they hastily put on their shoes, Yuudai does not look up once until they’re out the door.

Taisei laughs once the excitement dies down, “Sorry, I really wasn’t expecting that.”

“It’s okay,” Yuudai says, jaw clenched. It must have spooked him. Taisei can’t personally relate but he knows Jiro freaks out when he has to meet new people without prior preparation so it must be something like that.

“Why did you…? Tachibana, you didn’t… Have to put on your shoes.”

“No biggie! You sure you got everything?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, that’s good uh... Good,” Taisei clears his throat, “... Oh! Before I forget!” He pulls out his phone and hands it over, “put your number in.”

“... Why?”

“Being alone sucks and tonight was really fun. I would have just watched Hypraman by myself and… It was nice having someone to talk to. If you ever need it, just shoot a text and you can come over. I know I keep saying it but I mean it! You’re always welcomed here,” Taisei says, words growing smaller and smaller until it’s barely above a whisper.

It takes a few beats but Yuudai takes his smartphone, punching in his number and labeling it as a “Tanaka” before handing it back. Taisei makes the quick switch to rename him as “Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧” and sends him an immediate_ “hello!! :)” _

"There! You're all set," Taisei grins, lingering a few moments, "get home safe."

"I'm literally right across―"

"And to the left."

Yuudai smiles, it smoothes out the annoyance, "I'll be fine."

"Good! And uh... I had a lot of fun tonight. I had no idea what Jiro and Taro were doing all night but it would have been really boring without... Haha, yeah, thank you," Taisei says, "I felt a real... Hypraman connection tonight."

"Right... I'll make sure to remind you that all the seasons are _not_ good."

"Oh, you could certainly think that."

Yuudai snorts, "I'll... See you later then?"

“Dude, yeah! I’ll see you later!” Taisei reopens his door and is ready to disappear behind it but pauses, hands flexing against the frame. “Have a good night, Tanaka.”

“... Goodnight, Tachibana.”

“Oh and… Happy four months.”

“Yeah… Four months.”

And that’s that.

_ "Hi, It’s Tanaka.” _ Taisei receives seven minutes later. 

And it’s only the beginning.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so I took forever yet again! I hope the wait was worth it with this beast of a chapter. I've sort of went off the rails with my outline and went off-script in favor of more relationship building which I hope it's fun to read!  
Also I'm really happy people responded well to my taisei being autistic hc!! (Makes my own autistic heart happy!!)
> 
> Since we are on an MCR lockdown, the two songs I listened to the most while writing this were: "I don't love you" and "disenchanted" !!
> 
> Happy reading!

**Taisei (12:01 a.m)**

Hey!! I know it’s late but I hope you’re alright!!??

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (12:03 a.m)**

everything’s fine. arata was happy about the beer. your roommates?

**Taisei (12:04 a.m)**

Haha, it’s all good!! They were too sleepy to talk about it (which, by the way, they had some kind of work party tonight? 8D?) next time you should meet them properly!

A white lie, but Taisei would rather spare Yuudai the details of Taro and Jiro ominously staring him down and asking what _ that _ was all about which lead to Taisei having to repeat over and over that they just had a nice _ friendly _ hangout sesh, no big deal!

He really could have done without the suspiciousness and Jiro softly going “Taisei…” as if he knew something Taisei didn’t. Before he can further look into that though, his phone was lighting up.

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (12:04 a.m)**

if it’s fine then sure

**Taisei (12:05 a.m)**

It’s always fine!!! They’ll love to meet you!!!

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧** **(12:06 a.m)**

then we’ll see

**Taisei (12:07 a.m)** **  
**\\(^-^)/

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (12:07 a.m)**

woo

**Taisei (12:07 a.m)**

(!!´◯`)∑

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (12:08 p.m)**

woohoo!

Taisei smiles so wide it makes his eyes squeeze shut and he does all he can to restrain his legs, lest he’d be kicking them in childlike excitement. He folds them between the blankets instead.

He presses his phone so close to his chest he’s sure it’ll pick up the sound of his erratic heartbeat. An honest to god _ sound _ squeezes out from his throat as he marvels at the cuteness of a twenty-five year old man.

A good kick to the side from a sleeping Taro makes him yelp and the moment is ruined but Taisei still keeps his phone close, sliding his thumb across the keyboard tenderly as if to send a silent message.

He can imagine it reaching to Yuudai.

Silly mindless thoughts enter his head, painting an image of Yuudai smiling with the side of his cheek squished up against the plushness of a fluffed out pillow.

Taisei flutters his eyes closed to see it better. Yuudai laid out beside him, does he hold his phone close to his face so all you can see is the light shining off his cheekbones? Does he go to sleep wearing sweaters or b t-shirt that exposes a strip of collarbone? Does it ride up his stomach?

Are their arms circling the small of his waist? A boyfriend.

Arata.

He opens his eyes and it disappears.

Questions, Taisei thinks.

So many questions sit restless underneath his skin.

* * *

**Taisei (7:03 a.m)**

Good morning!!! I hope you have a good day at work! Get those chocolate chip muffins!!

**Taisei (7:03 a.m)**

I’m getting ready for work today but hypraman’s getting me through it! (He’s reminding me that after today, I’ll have two whole days off!)

_ [Photo Attachment: hypraman playing on the t.v screen, he’s in the midst of posing in front of the camera] _

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (7:36 a.m)**

late reply but I went into work at 6 but thanks and is that a s4 episode?

**Taisei (7:37 a.m)**

Yes it is! You have a really good eye, huh?? :O

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (7:37 a.m)**

s4 is garbage why are u subjecting urself to tha t

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (7:37 a.m)**

And i’d hope so if i’m h andling all the money

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (7:38 a.m)**

rush comin g in

**Taisei (7:39 a.m)**

I believe in you, good sir!

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (8:45 a.m)**

thnx

* * *

**Taisei (9:10 a.m)** ****  
I’m assuming you’re still dead???

**Taisei (9:50 a.m)**

Yuudai Tanaka… He went too early. Death via customers! The worst way to go!

**Taisei (10:34 a.m)**

I actually don’t know if it is the worst way to go!! I have no experience in customer service!!! 8/ But from what I heard from Jiro and Taro, they get wild people all the time! I wonder if you’ll have any stories??

**Taisei (12:13 p.m)**

I know we just met but will I be invited to the funeral? I hope I can have your cat 8D

**Taisei (12:15 p.m)**

Was that weird of me to say???? I’m sorry! Also, I guess your cat would go to your boyfriend??? Haha (●´⌓`●)

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (1:45 p.m)**

died but i’m back

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (1:45 p.m)**

very bold of you to assume that i’d give my cat to anyone that isn’t my mom

**Taisei (1:46 p.m)**

HE LIVES! 8D

**Taisei (1:47 p.m)**

WHAT’S THE GAME PLAN NOW THAT YOU’RE OUT OF WORK???

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧** **(1:47 p.m)**

game plan?

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (1:47 p.m)**

i also have like, thirteen more minutes

**Taisei (1:48 p.m)**

And you’re on your phone??? Tsk tsk

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (1:48 p.m)**

aren’t you at work too??

**Taisei (1:49 p.m)**

8’D

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (1:49 p.m)**

tsk tsk

**Taisei (1:50 p.m)**

[Photo attachment: A golden retriever looking up at its presumed owner, eyes big and wide and guilty]

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (1:50 p.m)**

!! nice.

**Taisei** **(1:51 p.m)**

RIGHT????

* * *

**Taisei (3:59 p.m)**

What would you say is your vibe????

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (4:00 p.m)**

my what

**Taisei (4:02 p.m)**

The cool kids have been using the term!!! From what I’ve gathered it’s the “emotional atmosphere” you bring to the table. My brother claims he has good vibes but every time he plays video games, his vibes are murderous!!!

**Taisei (4:02 p.m)**

Do you have good vibes Tanaka???

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (4:02 p.m)**

holy shit

**Taisei (4:03 p.m)**

Is that a vibe?

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (4:03 p.m)**

noo fjdhkhdl

* * *

**Taisei (8:16 p.m)**

I know Hypraman is targeted towards a younger audience, though despite that I still think it contains and achieves a lot of elements that people of all ages can enjoy, knowing that so many kids view it, it leaves a lot of questions in the air that I know will never be appropriately answered.

**Taisei (8:17 p.m)**

Like does hypraman prefer sake or shochu? Or is he a classic beer man? Do you think he’d be a classic beer man, Tanaka?

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧** **(8:17 p.m)**

hypraman wouldnt drink

**Taisei (8:18 p.m)**

BUT!! LET’S SAY HE DID!!! 

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (8:19 p.m)**

horoyoi

**Taisei (8:19 p.m)**

HOROYOI???????????

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (8:20 p.m)**

yah

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (8:20 p.m)**

the super popular one is peach flavored and you like peach stuff right?

**Taisei (8:21 p.m)**

You remembered that?

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (8:21 p.m)**

how could i not?

**Taisei (8:22 p.m)**

:^)!!

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (8:23 p.m)**

why the nose?

**Taisei (8:23 p.m)**

Do you not like it??

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (8:24 p.m)**

i never said that

**Taisei (8:25 p.m)**

:^)!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

**Taisei (1:58 a.m)**

Do you think Hypraman yearns?

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (1:58 a.m)**

why are you awake?

**Taisei (1:59 a.m)**

Woah so fast!!!

**Taisei (1:59 a.m)**

You always reply so fast I have to keep up haha

**Taisei (2:00 a.m)**

What are YOU doing still awake hm?

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (2:00 a.m)**

I asked you first

**Taisei (2:01 a.m)**

I asked you second

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (2:01 a.m)**

no you

**Taisei (2:02 a.m)**

You drive a hard bargain!!! 

**Taisei (2:02 a.m)**

I don’t have work tomorrow morning!!! DON’T YOU HAVE WORK AT SIX????? CRAZY!!! INSANE!! GO TO SLEEP!!!

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (2:03 a.m)**

you texted me first!

**Taisei (2:03 am)**

YOU TEXTED ME BACK!!!

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (2:04 a.m)**

night.

**Taisei (2:05 a.m)**

WAIT!!!!!!! DO YOU THINK HYPRAMAN YEARNS???

**Taisei (2:07 a.m)**

TANAKAAAAAA

**Taisei (2:08 a.m)**

8^( !!!!!!!!

* * *

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (6:10 a.m)**

he is a lonely alien with a shit life and is so deprived of contact that he eventually finds love of course he fucking yearns

* * *

**Taisei (10:23 a.m)**

GOOD MORNING!!!!!!!

**Taisei (10:24 a.m)**

I know you’re at work already but I just woke up haha, HOPE ITS GOING WELL!!!

_ [Photo Attachment: It is a GIF of Junji Ito hitting the whip] _

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (11:33 a.m)**

morning early rush sucks

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (11:33 a.m)**

?? who is that

**Taisei (11:35 a.m)**

WHY THATS HORROR ARTIST JUNJI ITO!!!!!

**Taisei (11:36 a.m)**

I don’t actually read his books, some of his drawings really freak me out haha, but Taro is a really big fan of him and he sent that in our group chat and I think it’s really funny but horror is just akdjdhan 

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (11:38 a.m)**

yeah i dont like horror either i like other stuff

**Taisei (11:39 a.m)**

Like cardcaptor sakura???? 8)

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (11:40 a.m)**

…. yes like cardcaptor sakura

* * *

**Taisei (3:30 p.m)**

I was too nervous to ask you in the mailroom but are you okay?? I just saw you had scratches and I hope you’ve bandaged them ahhh.

**Taisei (3:32 p.m)**

IS THAT WEIRD??? I’M SORRY, it’s probably nothing I just get worried. Sometimes my friend Jiro gets cuts from works and does nothing about them and gets infected and it’s really dangerous!

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (3:32 p.m)**

It’s a little weird

Taisei feels and hears the metaphorical crack go through him.

He groans pathetically, hoping that the couch unhinges its cushioned jaws and swallows him whole into furniture world, sparing Taisei from ever humiliating himself in front of Yuudai again.

God, he’s so stupid! Stupid! Stupid! (Everyone from grade school was right! His special ed teacher was right!)

Before he can type out an apology a new message comes through and he doesn’t even want to read it…

That’s a lie. He opens it in an instant.

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (3:33 p.m)**

i have a cat remember and she hates it when i dont wake up in time to give her breakfast, swatted at me while i was asleep. what a way to wake up.

The image of a sleeping Yuudai being smacked in the face by his cat is too much and the anxious bubble pops and out comes the hideous guffaws of laughter as he key smashes in response.

* * *

**Taisei (5:45 p.m)**

WOAH!!!!!

_ [Photo attachment: there are two darkened buildings in frame, serving to emphasize how bright the sky is between them, a light but vibrant blue with clouds stretched and scattered with a holy light peaking through the fluff] _

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (5:45 p.m)**

woah

**Taisei (5:47 p.m)**

RIGHT???? SORRY IF THAT WAS OUT OF NOWHERE!!! I just loe taking pictures of the sky, it’s crazy how many colors it comes in and what the clouds do??? LIKE IMAGINE TOUCHING ONE??? I once saw the sky turn PURPLE, I SWEAR!!

**Taisei (5:47 p.m)**

**love!!

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (5:48 p.m)**

have you ever seen the sky turn green?

**Taisei (5:49 p.m)**

I don’t think I have??? 8O Have you??? That would be so cool! 

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (5:49 p.m)**

no but i’ve seen pictures. I don’t like taking a lot of photos but if i saw the sky turn green then i probably would

**Taisei (5:50 p.m)**

I’m always taking pictures! I have so many folders of pictures of things I see like the sky, dogs, cats, funny store items, jiro and taro have folders too! I have a lot of photos of them drunk LOL!!!

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (6:01 p.m)**

you like cats?

**Taisei (6:03 p.m)**

WHAT??? OF COURSE I DO! DUDE!!! ALL ANIMALS! ALL GOOD!! 

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (6:03 p.m)**

i just thought you were a dog person since you’re always petting the ones on the first floor

**Taisei (6:04 p.m)**

WELL!! YEAH BUT CATS ARE JUST AS GOOD!!

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (6:05 p.m)**

… maybe i’ll send you pictures of my cat some time

**Taisei (6:06 p.m)**

When I get you a picture of the sky turning green then you have to send me all the cat pics!!!

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (6:06 p.m)**

haha.

**Taisei (6:07 p.m)**

8D!!!

* * *

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (9:30 p.m)**

hey

Taisei perks up from his spot at the dinner table.

He’d already been scrolling through Instagram and liking many posts, be it food videos that he saves to check out later or pictures of couples that make a funny feeling stir up in his stomach, so it isn’t hard to miss Yuudai’s little name popping up at the top of the screen.

The cat face, the short “hey,” the fact that it was the first time Yuudai initiated contact were all factors on why Taisei startled and nearly dropped his phone in a hot bowl of steaming soup.

“Shit!” He yelped and caught it before it breached the layer of liquid and sighed in relief.

He didn’t even look up at Taro and Jiro, who are undoubtedly boring holes into him with their eyebrows raised up in concern. All he does is opens his messenger app with a speed unlike him.

**Taisei (9:32 p.m)**

HEY!!!!! What’s up!!?? :^)

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (9:32 p.m)**

am i bothering you?

**Taisei (9:33 p.m)**

NO!! Never.

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (9:33 p.m)**

mm

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (9:34 p.m)**

you said you dont have work tomorrow?

**Taisei (9:35 p.m)**

You’d be right!! Today I went out a bit and did some shopping and tomorrow I’m gonna go out with Jiro to do even more shopping!!!

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (9:35 p.m)**

oh

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (9:35 p.m)**

nevermind then

**Taisei (9:36 p.m)**

NOOOO TELL ME!!!!

“Taisei your leg is shaking the table,” Taro says and oh look at that.

He is, in fact, shaking the table with how hard his leg is bouncing up and down in erratic rhythm. He laughs sheepishly and stops, now tapping his foot instead which makes Taro sigh heavily.

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (9:37 p.m)**

i just.

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (9:37 p.m)**

wanted to see if you’d like

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (9:38 p.m)**

to meet me when my shift ends tomorrow… at 2 btw

Taisei gasps out loud, knee jerking up and hitting the underside of the table with a resounding boom that makes all the utensils clatter on top and their bowls of soup quiver and nearly spill over. Jiro hisses a “Jesus!” and Taro yells “my soup!” in a way one would roar an angry chant.

**Taisei (9:39 p.m)**

YES!!! YES I WOULD!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8D !!!

**Taisei (9:39)**

I’m not even going out with Jiro until later that day!!! SO!!! YES! :^)!!!!

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (9:40 p.m)**

cool

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (9:40 p.m)**

i’ll see you tomorrow

“I’m sorry!” Taisei finally yells to his roommates though he knows he doesn’t sound apologetic at all. He keeps smiling, the giddiness making him high and he lets out an uncontrollable laugh as they glare at him.

“Who are you even texting, dude? You’ve been attached to your phone all day,” Jiro complains and it makes heat spread on Taisei’s face.

“Have I really been on my phone all day…?”

“That’s not the point!”

“The point is,” Taro continues, “is whoever your texting clearly has you all worked up,” he squints, “are you texting another girl from work? Man, right in front of my soup?”

“No! No, not a girl! Definitely not a girl,” Taisei says, blushing even harder, “it’s just Yuudai! We made plans to see each other tomorrow. I would never text a girl when it’s bro time, what the heck?”

“Yuudai?” Jiro asks.

“Yeah! I gave him my number after you saw him that day and we’ve been… Y’know!”

“Is that the one that has the boyfriend? The one in C4?” Taro interjects and Taisei nods in confirmation, “his boyfriend is okay with the two of you talking?”

Taisei wheezes, “what?! Why wouldn’t he?”

“Taro makes a good point,” Jiro says, “I mean… Does he know you two are talking?”

“No, I mean, probably? Yuudai might have told him but I don’t know!”

“And you’re making date plans together…”

“It is not a date! It’s two friends hanging out! It’s not weird! Jiro we are literally hanging out tomorrow, should Chie be worried?”

“Ew, no dude! And that’s totally different, Chie knows you! You’ve met several times!”

“For all she knows I might have ulterior motives with her man! My, my, aren’t you ravishing Jiro Sakana!” Taisei jokes and it makes Jiro burst out laughing even if he does say “oh knock it off!” 

He’s just glad they’ve changed subjects, even if Taro doesn’t stop giving him a _ look _ for the rest of the night.

* * *

**Taisei (11:58 p.m)**

GOOD NIGHT!! I’M EXCITED FOR TOMORROW!!!!! 8D

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧** (11:59 p.m)

sleeping midnight instead of 2 now huh

**Taisei (12:00 a.m)**

GO TO SLEEP!! You have to be up in six hours!!!

**Yuudai (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (12:00 a.m)**

you. texted. me! 

**Taisei (12:01 a.m)**

:’)))

* * *

Taisei opens his throat when he throws back his head and the coffee goes straight down like it’s nothing. It’s like taking a shot of tequila, an act he’s perfected since he was eighteen years old and was in the states unsupervised for four years.

College went hand in hand with alcohol and coffee and though he doesn’t do those crazy espresso and red-eye shots at four in the morning anymore, Taisei still needs both of them to function.

(Well, Jiro will say something along the lines of “Taisei, come on we’ve talked about this” but in reality, they haven’t actually talked about it because they’ve been pussyfooting around the issue ever since Taisei got alcohol poisoning so many years ago. It’s fine, he’ll be able to talk about it one day. He hasn’t even gotten drunk in three days!)

Anyways.

He skips out on the fifth cup of coffee because, he figures since he’s going to a cafe, he’ll just have his sixth one there. (See, he’s cutting down from eight)

He makes sure to keep his wallet full because the last thing he expects is Yuudai to give him anything for free. He’s out the door, keeping his back straight and tossing his scarf over his shoulder and inhaling the hints of cologne still lingering on the wool for comfort.

It’s no secret that he’s the extroverted sort, meeting new people is and should be nothing for him but this is notably different.

This isn’t work-related and Taisei really thinks about the last time he’s made a friend outside of the office and well… Jan comes the closest? Before him, hm… A long, long while.

That’s why he’s nervous!

It’s been Taisei, Jiro, and Taro since the beginning of time! A sudden new foe turned friend has entered the arena and shakes things up a bit! But Taisei can conquer, Taisei can hang out and play the role as himself! The fans would cheer him on, if he gets stuck answering a question then he can slip into business mode, he’s smart! He can do it! You’re more than your work, Taisei!

He flaps his hands, hoping to flick out all the jitters.

It’s just Yuudai!

Oh! There’s Yuudai!

_ Instant kill. _

**No!**

It’s fine! Taisei grins as he peers into the large cafe windows, there are a dozen or so customers sat around, many of them are there individually with their laptops perched on their table as they type away.

Yuudai sticks out like a single daffodil in a field of dandelions.

He’s scowling from where he can see, rearranging cups into small towers while another woman wipes down a spot on the counter for longer than necessary. There’s a cap on his head, squishing down his hair and an apron tied around his waist and it’s so otherworldly to see him in a new environment but… It’s neat. 

Taisei strolls on in, the top of the door hitting against the jingling bells that alerts the two.

He catches the forced smile Yuudai tries to slip into but upon seeing that it’s Taisei he seems to choke on nothing, jerking his arm in such a way that it makes contact with his cups and off they went clattering on the floor.

He snorts at Yuudai’s betrayed expression at his toppled tower and Taisei rushes on over.

“Hey, hey, hey! Are you alright?” He asks through muted laughs.

Yuudai frantically is stacking the cups back together, not meeting his eye even when they keep falling, “everything’s fine!! Everything’s alright! I didn’t expect you to come so early!”

Taisei looks at the time on his phone.

“It’s one forty-eight,” he says and Yuudai squeaks indignantly.

“Do you know him, Tanaka?” his coworker asks, which makes both of them jump and realize there’s been someone watching from the sideline the entire time.

'Oh yeah,’ Taisei thinks, ‘other people are here.’ 

“Um, yeah I…” Yuudai grumbles something under his breath and clears his throat, “I’ll go change right now.”

“Alrighty!”

Now with Yuudai gone Taisei is alone with his coworker and he gives her a bright smile, scanning to see if she has a name tag but finds nothing.

“Do you want any coffee while you wait?” She asks politely, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she’s already reaching towards Yuudai’s scattered cup pile.

“Oh, yes! Thanks for asking!”

“Any milk, sugar?”

“No, black is fine!” she nods, filling up his cup and puts it in front of him. He pulls out his wallet and goes to ask for how much but she cuts him off with a click of her tongue.

“Put that away, it’s on the house,” she says and then gestures him to come close before she drops her voice to a whisper, “it’s exciting to see Yuudai’s friends outside of work. I’ve known him for two years and he’s never had anyone over. The only thing I know about him is that he has a cat,” she giggles and leans back.

“Wow… Really?” Taisei smiles wider as his confidence is boosted. He’s known Yuudai for a short amount of time, just a blip compared to his coworkers, but even so, Taisei got to know more about him than her? Wow…

(Only one, huh? That means Arata hasn’t seen Yuudai here. Heh.)

Yuudai comes out soon after, clutching a paper bag and with a jacket zipped up to his chest, he’s abandoned the hat but it clearly has done its damage to his hair as it sticks up a little wilder than usual. (What would it be like to brush and press it down?)

He goes straight to Taisei, mumbling a hasty “we can go” and heads towards the door.

“Don’t forget your coffee,” his coworker says and Taisei thanks her, grabbing the cup and chases after the blonde who holds the door open for him.

“Did you pay for that?” 

“Oh no, she said it was on the house!”

“Oh.”

“Wait, is that alright? I can go back and pay for it right now!”

“No, no! It’s whatever, I just wanted to know… I hope you know that’s gonna be the best coffee you’ve ever had,” he says while eyeing the cup.

“Haha, maybe! It’s kind of hard to mess up black coffee?”

“... Black?”

“Yeah!”

Yuudai shudders, “what are you, a monster?”

“What! No! Tons of people drink their coffee black!” Taisei protests, slightly offended but he can’t say he hasn’t had this same conversation with Jiro. Taro is team black coffee though and it makes Jiro shake his head every time.

“Whatever you say,” the blonde mumbles and Taisei pouts before looking around without knowing where exactly they’re heading to.

“So uh did you wanna head home together did you wanna just walk around?”

“We can walk, I need to buy cat food,” Yuudai says and Taisei thinks back to the time when he saw Arata holding what looked like a bag of cat food. It’s not in his place to ask why Yuudai’s doing it this time around because:

  1. That’s a creepy observation that only Taisei noticed by chance
  1. They can take turns! It’s none of his business!

“Okay neat!”

They walk through a couple of streets, being mindful as to not bump into anyone, especially Taisei and he almost trips on his feet three different times. 

He nervously chugs his coffee, scalding his tongue for a moment before blinking, “oh this is really good.”

“I told you!” Yuudai shouts but then looks horrified when Taisei almost drops his cup. 

“I should have believed you!” Taisei agrees once he gets his balance back. He takes another slow sip to think of something to say so he lands on the easiest opener in the world.

“So uh… How was work?

Yuudai rolls his eyes, “ugh, god don’t even get me started.”

“Why? Did something bad happen?” Taisei asks, worried he landed on a landmine but Yuudai waves a hand flippantly.

“No, no… Not really but it’s… Customers. It’s just a bunch of random crap they do that make me— Eugh, I don’t want to bore you.”

“You won’t bore me!” Taisei promises, “Jiro tells me so many insane stories about the fish market, people can be really… Something! Gehehe, I mean, I don’t wanna judge right away but wow, I’ve heard some _ stuff _”

“No shit? Hm…” Yuudai thinks, his nose scrunching up in thought and Taisei wonders if he knows he’s doing it intentionally. It’s a good look.

“I mean like today,” the blonde starts and Taisei tunes back in, “God, _ today _ some fucking guy was like ‘hey man can I get that muffin right there?’” Taisei laughs at Yuudai’s impression, voice like a douchey surfer, “and so I say, ‘why yes sir of course’ and go to grab one. Then he goes ‘no not that one the other one’ and whatever, I get him the right one and then he goes ‘oh can you peel off the wrapper for me, I don’t want to’ like,” he pauses for effect, “ _ What?!” _

“Woah!” Taisei exclaims, a shocked laugh falling out of him, “that’s so weird!”

“What kind of _ weirdo _ tells someone to take the wrapper off like!! Oh my god!”

“That sounds wild! I don’t have to deal with customers but we do hold board meetings for ideas and sales and well… One time we had to reject this guy’s idea who wanted to give our mopeds uh... A hood.”

“A _ hood _?”

“Yeah like! For when it rains or if there’s too much sun in the person’s eyes? As well-intentioned the idea was it would have been... A complete marketing _ disaster _,” Taisei shakes his head, remembering it vividly and how ridiculous the images presented to them were, “there were so many complications like, how would you even attach the hood? It’s a moped for a reason, what are we gonna start putting hoods on bikes? I’m just lucky I wasn’t the one to tell him no.”

“The design sounds like something a first grader came up with like hey! Here’s a picture of a moped and here’s a good idea! And it’s just a badly still photo of an umbrella on top of it!”

“Oh gosh,” Taisei laughs. “Oh! Oh my gosh, one time Jiro told me that someone came in, ordered an entire fish but… Just wanted the fish scales.”

“_ Ex-fucking-cuse me _?!”

“**Right**?!” Taisei flails a bit, unable to stop from talking with his hands, “This person just got a bucket of fish scales?”

“What were they even gonna do with the scales?” Yuudai asks demandingly as if Taisei held the answers.

“No idea! But we had a bunch of theories going! I think it was for an art project.”

“Using_ fish scales _? It would completely reek!”

“_ Well _, what’s your theory?”

“Ugh,” Yuudai grumbles, looking off in thought, “...Fish scale soup?”

“Haha, that’s so gross!” If it were Jiro he could have nudged him to the side but they don’t quite have that closeness yet.

Yuudai throws his arms up, paper bag swinging in his hand, “It’s the best I can come up with! Jesus! Imagine ordering just the scales at a fish market like it’s a normal thing to do! No fucking class these people,” he says as he yanks the door open to the pet shop. He walks in like he owns the place, not even bristling at the distinct smell of _ animals _.

While Yuudai’s off weaving through the aisles, Taisei tosses his now empty cup and goes towards the huge fish tanks, eyes widening at the fish swimming around aimlessly. He takes out his phone, angling it just right to take as many photos, really loving the colorful ones swim towards him and away. He laughs when he sees two hide in a coral reef.

“There must be hundreds of them in here,” he says to himself and through the reflection catches Yuudai by his side. When he turns to look, Yuudai whips his head away and Taisei smiles at the delicateness of this moment.

“I’ve always wanted a mini aquarium at home,” he confesses and goes with Yuudai to the register.

“I bet your roommates would hate that.”

“Yeah, they’re already surrounded by fish all day so,” Taisei shrugs, “maybe one day.”

“You can start small l—like, goldfish or uh… Something, I don’t know,” Yuudai mumbles and grabs the bag from the counter.

“I’ll just surprise them with so many fish one day.”

They keep walking but instead of continuing on the sidewalk, Taisei impulsively goes through the park. He’s mindful of his steps, knowing his legs give him longer strides but Yuudai keeps up with him just fine.

Taisei goes on to talk about his love for the park, how he people watches when he’s bored and Yuudai sounds interested, if not a bit dubious to why he would enjoy that. He goes on to explain, entertaining himself by walking backwards and Yuudai has to catch him when he almost falls. Sometimes Yuudai gets worked up talking about people or work or things in general and it makes him stutter when he sees people giving them odd looks.

“Man, can’t people just mind their business,” he’ll bite and Taisei just smiles at him.

They keep going and Taisei likes the way they bounce off of each other naturally.

It’s nice.

The kind of nice that isn’t too much or too little. It’s the nice you feel when a dog runs up to you and nuzzles his nose against your palm. It’s the nice that sparks through your chest when you put on your favorite coat and rub the side of your cheek against the fluffy collar. It’s the kind of nice that Taisei wants to sleep in.

When Taisei points at an ice cream shop to shout if they can go get some, Yuudai says “it’s fifty degrees outside” but still follows him in.

They’re the only ones in the store and they take way too longe picking out their flavors and Taisei is sure if the cashier was a little less dead then they would have gotten kicked out. They make it out with their noses turning red and their hands shaking while wrapped around their cones. Yuudai complains the entire time on how cold it is but still takes a brutal bite straight through which makes Taisei shriek.

“What are you, a monster?!”

“What!? Ugh, not you too, it’s not that bad!” But Taisei’s shaking his head, laughing horrified.

When they’re halfway through the park, Taisei glances up at the sky and makes them stop when he gasps excitedly, “Tanaka, look! Look at that cloud! It’s shaped like the claw monster from season four! Do you know the one?”

Yuudai squints and tilts his head and Taisei is ready for some kind of snappy comeback. A “what are you talking about?” or a “seriously, are you a kid?” but all he does is hum and say “I guess I can see it.”

Taisei takes a picture of it and makes sure to send it to the group chat.

When Jiro texts him if he’s coming home soon Taisei almost wants to cancel.

But no way, he can’t cancel! That’s not Taisei! But just the feeling alone, the sudden thought is enough to make his steps falter and wonder “why… did I think that?” But with most things, he pushes it away and texts back “yeah! See you soon!!!”

“That was Jiro,” Taisei tells Yuudai, “I should start heading home or else he gets all grumpy at me.”

They decide to take the long way home.

Taisei watches the way Yuudai looks up at the trees, his sentences trailing off when he sees one abnormally huge, even goes off to say “look how big that one is, what the fuck!”

He really wants to know if Yuudai knows he does this, little things like looking up at the greenery or how he never steps on the cracks in the ground. It’s those tiny glimpses of a person’s character that truly makes him beautiful.

They get into a deep discussion around Hypraman theories, all of them speculating on what’s to come for the new season, the burning questions that still need to be answered, and whether or not it’ll live up to its former seasons. (“It absolutely will!” Taisei says. “Eh, can’t do worse than season four,” Yuudai agrees.) Taisei is spitting straight facts about a storyline they set up last season that could be developed further with the new season when Yuudai’s phone rings.

“Oh, it’s Arata,” he says when he sees the caller I.D and answers the phone as if those words didn’t just make Taisei choke on his words.

“Hi, what’s up?” He says casually while Taisei feels panic for no reason.

“Nothing, I’m just out,” Yuudai says and waits for a response, “uh… Yeah, what about it?” he makes a confused noise, eyes widening a tad, “Really…? You uh… you didn’t have to do that, I could have taken care of it,” there’s a hint of surprise in his voice, lips quirking up a tad.

But before he could work up to a smile he freezes in his steps, “... No, I didn’t say that… Hey, that’s not what I— no… No— stop, that’s not what I meant!” the previous taken aback tone bleeds into defensive anger.

He’s standing in the middle of the sidewalk, eyes fluttering with incredulity like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. Whatever is being said on the other line must be flooring him.

“I **didn’t**!” He hisses, and makes brief eye contact with Taisei to grin sheepishly, though it’s strained and when he looks away it’s a deep scowl, “can we not do this right now…? _That’s not_! Oh my god, stop, that’s not what I’m _doing, I_ just didn’t **expect****—** no! God— Okay! Okay! _Thank you!_ Is that what you want me to say?!” He groans, covering his face with his hand, “That’s not— okay… Okay… It’s not my fucking **fault**! Don’t, don’t—” 

Yuudai yanks his hand away and curses, “Fucker **fucking** _hung_ up on me?!” He practically growls in frustration, looking as if he’s mere seconds away from smashing his phone to the ground but looks at Taisei, who’s just been standing there in silent horror. He lets out a deep breath.

“Sorry about that,” he spits, teeth still grinding as he pockets his phone and marches forward.

“Hey! Hey? What was that—” but one look at Yuudai’s glower makes Taisei clamp up, “... Are you okay?”

“I’m fine! Augh, he’s just! Being stupid, whatever! Whatever! Ugh,” Yuudai rakes his hand through his hair, rubbing at the side of his forehead, “I was having such a…. Ggh, no, no! I’m fine. I’m okay… Sorry that you had to… See that.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault.”

“Well, how about you tell him that!” He snaps and Taisei goes quiet.

What on earth did Arata _ say _?

Yuudai keeps shuddering, doing breathing exercises and the paper bag he’s still holding his getting crushed.

“… Do you wanna keep heading home?” Taisei asks softly.

“... Yeah.”

They continue their walk, Yuudai now more closed off than ever and Taisei... 

Taisei doesn’t know what to do.

All he can do is listen to the way Yuudai inhales and exhales, twitching every now and then from leftover rage. It doesn’t feel like the right time to crack a joke or mention another weird customer story or go back to their conversation. They walk in a hamfisted silence until they’re going up the stairs, stopping on the third floor.

The sunlight feels out of place, the fact that it’s still early and Taisei has other plans to commence his day feels inappropriate.

The day will continue on as normal for him but from the looks of it, not for Yuudai.

Or who knows?

What if this is his normal?

The thought is a rotten pit in his core.

“Hey,” Yuudai says and Taisei whips his head towards him.

“Yeah?”

“Before I forget I uh…” Yuudai lifts up the crumpled paper bag, his anger evident through the wrinkles and folds.

He’s pushing it towards Taisei’s chest.

“What? What’s this?” Taisei takes it, unfurling it.

“I uh… W—wanted to give this to you earlier but I didn’t know… How. You mentioned you like those linzer cookies so I saved you s—”

Taisei makes a sound crossed between a gasp and a scream, loud and alert when he sees the little cookies in the bag. There’s an adorable heart design cut out to expose the thick layer of raspberry jam inside and it’s dusted in white sugar. One of them broken in half and there are crumbs accumulating at the bottom but! But!!

“Tanaka! Oh my gosh!!!” He shouts, happiness bursting at the seams, “oh my _ gosh _? Thank you, thank you, you didn’t have to!”

Yuudai shrugs, blushing and looking away and ah man… Taisei can’t get Jiro’s words out of his head: _ “She doesn’t have to do it but she does.” _

“They’re just cookies but uh… You’re. Welcome. It’s the least I can uh, do… Because of the candy and the water and, yeah.”

Taisei smiles so fondly and he’s hit with the urge to cry. He holds the bag protectively when Yuudai turns around to leave.

“Hey!”

“Hm?”

“I had a really fun time today and you shouldn’t be upset! I think it’s gonna be okay and I’ll... Send you more pictures of stuff! If I find something funny I’ll send it! Alright?”

Yuudai huffs out a breath, “... Yeah, alright.”

“Alright!”

“Alright!”

“Right?” Taisei gives him a thumbs up.

Yuudai answer with a thumbs half-way up.

“Alright! ... Have a good day, Tanaka.”

“Right… You too, Tachibana.”

Taisei laughs, eyes feeling watery and his cheeks blooming with an exhilarating heat.

* * *

**Taisei (5:07)**

HAHAHA JIRO JUST SMELLED A CANDLE AND AUDIBLY GAGGED KDJHGEKDJ NOW A LADY WON’T STOP GLARING AT US!!!!!!!!!!

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (5:08 p.m)**

Haha

**Taisei (5:09 p.m)**

8D!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (5:11 p.m)**

:)

**Taisei (5:12 p.m)**

(!!´◯`)∑

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (5:12 p.m)**

:^)!

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (5:13 p.m)**

it’s like you

**Taisei (5:14 p.m)**

YOU’RE SOOOOHRJFDBM,JSFNDMSD AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Taisei presses his phone to his chest, smiling like a happy cat under a sunbeam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to [ale](https://agathafim.tumblr.com/) for the fish scale story!
> 
> here junji ito whipping:  
[Link](https://66.media.tumblr.com/2a8e023d3f1e51ceb6a6eec6b5c3ef66/f2866653b84ee57d-26/s250x400/7d56816cff1916d0f133bae56b9df858297d8fe0.gifv)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm updating immediately after updating yesterday because??? Well, I figured I made you wait so long for the sixth chapter that why not have this one right away. (Make sure you read chapter 6 before reading this one if you haven't already, haha!)
> 
> Two songs are mentioned in this story that I listened to the whole time writing this: "Woof Woof" by Dan Deacon and "In The Aeroplane Over the Sea" by Neutral Milk Hotel
> 
> !!!!! SLIGHT NSFW WARNING !!!!!  
In the first section of this chapter, there is a heavily implied act of masturbation and though it doesn't get explicit it is still sexual in nature, so be safe, please!!! This scene ends right after the first line break and it is not mentioned again!
> 
> Happy Reading!

Taisei only uses headphones for special occasions.

He’s not fond of how the cords get tangled into difficult twists or the constant feeling of them brushing against his neck and cheeks when he’s lying down. In cases like these though, he’s grateful for them.

Grateful that it drowns out all the sound.

When he listens to music he listens to it with the volume into an ear-splitting high so his ear canals can wince and he can feel the music vibrating in his teeth. His taste in music is pure chaos, sharp and dizzying, songs that make you feel like you’re lost in the dark ends of a carnival.

His ears are tingling from the noise, bright and so colorful that he can see the flashes of color burst like balls of paint beneath his eyelids. He licks the front of his teeth, gets to know each crevice and how his skull quivers. Jiro thought his music collection was _ weird _ but he’s not here right now. It’s just Taisei, alone in the room with all the lights off but the music gives him all the brightness he needs.

It makes him swallow, his heart keeps pounding like a rogue fire alarm. It’s speeding up, speeds up so hard that he’s sure his heart will come screaming out. He’s semi-worried it might alert someone.

A grunt punches out of him at an extremely pitchy shriek, splotches of color dripping all over his vision and he squeezes his eyes tighter than before.

Everything is burning and the music grows louder and louder, his chest heaves at the rave happening in his mind. It’s as if he’s taken a tab of acid but injected it straight to his brain.

That’s what’s going on in the inside of Taisei’s head.

A bunch of bodies moving in total mayhem, jumping up and down, skin slick with glittery sweat and the intense smell of cherry coke mixed with vodka.

The music swells and so does he, the cacophony of delirious _ noise _ traps him in a disoriented state and the high-frequency screech has a new set of colors coming in. Iceberg blue, bubblegum pink, a radioactive green.

Green.

The drums speed up, the shrill lyrics unintelligible but it twitches in his ears and all he sees is sparks of bright emerald. It’s green so green, no one’s ever seen such a green like this before. Green like the soft of a thick sweater lapping and hanging off thin bony arms. Green with a splatter of neon yellow.

He’s panting like a dog, heart matching the symbols crashing, it is _ loud _ and _ fast _ like he’s been running on foot, chased through a forest.

The yellow is obscene as it mixes with the green. It radiates a glow, brighter than the sun, a hot heat spreading through his lower stomach, yellow, yellow, yellow like blonde hair right across and to the—

“Shit!” Taisei cries as he cascades over his fingers.

All that’s left in its wake is the music box outro, soft and melodic and soothes him through the shakes. It’s nothing like the masturbatory sounds of hell being raised.

The song ends, repeating since he’s put it on a loop but he presses pause with his free hand. He clears his throat once his breathing turns human again, his lips ache for a touch of water and to forget.

To forget whatever that last image was.

* * *

  
Taisei religiously watches over the news in terms of Hypraman, has to know every detail and what exactly is going on lest he’d get left behind. He needs to be on top of his game, winning a competition with just himself.

That means watching Hypraman marathons whenever they decide to show them no matter how odd the hour is. Currently, it’s thirty minutes shy of midnight and he can feel his eyes drooping but unwilling to give up. Jiro, blessed Jiro, had tried to stay up with Taisei but knocked out three episodes in.

Taro had to carry him to the bedroom because Taisei wasn’t gonna risk missing a single clip. Not even if he’s seen them all.

He’s on the last episodes with five minutes remaining and he’s proud to have made it through another Hypraman session when his phone buzzes.

The panicked thought of “oh my god it’s work” comes to mind but why on earth would they be contacting him at 11:45 p.m on a Thursday? His mind then goes to Genkei, though he is strict on his policy of sleeping before ten every night, he has contacted Taisei in emergencies.

He checks to see who it was to answer and the mystery and— Yuudai?!

He sits up, knee hitting the sharp edge of the coffee table but he ignores the pain. (Not without clutching it and whimpering “oww” for a few seconds but that’s beside the point). 

His body’s instant reaction is to go hot and cold all over until he’s stuck between breaking out into a sweat and shivering, especially when two more messages come filing in.

A twinge of guilt hits him but he can’t let it get in the way, whatever happened this morning wasn’t his fault! So suck it up, and see what Yuudai sent you, you weirdo!

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (11:55 p.m**

****hey

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (11:56 p.m)**

arata just kicked me out and i don’t really know what to do, i’m just in the hallway right now and

**Yuudai!! (=ↀωↀ=)✧ (11:56 p.m)**

can we take a walk or something?

A hot flash of light red, so light that’s it barely constitutes as a shade of the fury. It’s enough of a spark to have Taisei breathe in deep and hold it in for five seconds before letting it trickle out. 

It helps, but it’s now coated in the back of his mind that keeps growing sticky and worn from all that he keeps piling up back there. He can’t afford to entertain those sharp-witted quips of “oh what has he done now?” and “Yuudai, why do you put up with him?” because it is wildly unbecoming and Taisei is not, if not, _ kind. _ And goddammit he missed the last fucking minutes of the _ episode. _

He does _ not _ grit his teeth. He is calm, he is collected, and he is there.

**Taisei (12:00 a.m)**

Yes, i’ll come out right away.

He should have put exclamation points but he doesn’t dwell on that minor blip of carelessness and instead focuses on slipping on his shoes, his coat and swinging his scarf around. He doesn’t change out of his pajama pants, in all honesty, he doesn’t want Yuudai to wait for another second out there. 

He pulls the door open way too fast and hates the way he sees Yuudai flinch when he does so.

He’s standing there, Taisei immediately looks for _ something _ but Yuudai’s eyes seem fine, if not exhausted but not like he’s been crying and his arms are bare but the skin is smooth and fair. Taisei can see this because he’s wearing a t-shirt and low hanging pants, his hands hugged around himself.

“Are you kidding me?” Taisei says without thinking and it doesn’t sound like his voice. God, why did he _ say _that? He shakes his head, “sorry I didn’t uh, please hold on a sec!”

He closes the door and rubs his hands so hard into his eyes he’s sure it’ll leave a numb redness. Pull yourself together. What are you doing? You don’t get angry Taisei, you never get angry, that’s not you! Breathe in and out, breathe in and out, Yuudai needs you right now. 

Okay.

He takes a sweater, one of his own, off the hooks. It’s the orange one with light brown patches on the shoulder and a thick white fur around the collar that he hopes will be enough to keep Yuudai’s face warm and then he’s heading back out, a smile ready on his face and eyes light with a touch of concerned. He will not be angry. He will _ not _

(What kind of _ person _ kicks someone out in just a flimsy shirt in the middle of a chilly fall?)

“Heyo!” He says, bright and bubbly, “I got you one of my sweaters! If we’re taking a walk, you need to stay warm.”

Yuudai stares, “uhh,” he says and reaches out tentatively for the sweater that Taisei gleefully hands over.

“Are… Are you sure?”

“Yes! That or you can come in.”

“Ah, no. I really need to get out… don’t wanna stay inside,” he mumbles and tugs on the sweater. It is way too big, his hands so engulfed in the fabric that he has to tug them up so he can even zip it up. He even adjusts the drawstrings and tries to keep the sleeves pushed up but they keep falling over his palms anyways.

That’s better.

Though Taisei fears he’s created a new problem because his mouth goes dry, a cottony film covering the insides of his cheeks and he tries his best to swish around his tongue to get feeling back.

“Let’s go,” he croaks, throat scratchy.

Like that they’re going down the steps together, venturing into the streets that seem otherworldly after midnight.

There should have been something foreboding about the darkness but Taisei greatly appreciated not being bombarded by crowds that reminded him of his unnatural stature.

It was blissfully empty. Though Taisei adores the presence of life illuminating the city’s pores, he too can see the life, though muted and still, in the night. Apartment buildings towered on either side, shadows stretching for miles, but not a single window boasted any light.

There was wind, whizzing by in a high pitched scream. It was like everyone ceased to exist and Yuudai and Taisei were the only ones left. Truly, a ghost wasteland.

It should have been creepy but he’s already tired. He’s blearily looking at the man next to him, and even with all the shit he’s clearly hiding, he is peaceful. They’re alive and maybe that’s enough.

A pebble, no not a pebble, a rock finds itself at the mercy of Taisei. With the side of his foot he kicks it forward, every time he comes close he kicks it again, sends it ricocheting directly into the toe of his worn-down sneakers. He’s had these shoes for years, the laces going grey and with secret pen doodles scribbled at the side.

He punts the rock forward, propelling it too far to the side and that’s when other shoes respond. Shoes belonging to a blonde, shoes that are not shoes at all but brown boots, scuffed to hell and it kicks the rock back to its center.

It becomes something like a dance, each kicking the poor rock further down the road until, what seems like a strange burst of anger releases from the brown boot and he kicks it so far it heads straight to the middle of the road. He curses, ready to drop it but Taisei chases after it.

“What are you doing?” Yuudai shrills when Taisei kicks it down the road.

“Playing,” he says simply, voice still dry but he smiles easily like a kid and he is at that moment. He’s five years old and finds joy in something as juvenile as this, “come on! We have to keep going!”

“Are you insane?”

“Come! Walk and kick it with me, just like we were doing!”

Yuudai shakes his head, arms folding and looking awfully like a bird with his feathers puffed out, “you’re going to get hit by a car!”

“At this time?” Taisei raises his arm, does a twirl, makes it a production, “no cars here!” He kicks the rock, it’s not as fun when he’s the only one doing it, “come on!”

Yuudai grumbles, looking around and groaning in defeat, “you’re gonna get us both killed!” but he still comes and Taisei cheers in delight, the world is so empty that it almost echoes back.

“We’ll be fine,” Taisei says, free and full of sureness.

“How are you so sure?”

Taisei kicks the rock again, this time angling it so it rolls towards Yuudai’s side.

“Don’t you feel it? I’ve felt it since we started kicking the thing. Like nothing bad can happen as long as we keep going.”

Yuudai doesn’t say anything for a moment before he sighs, “if I get hit by a car―”

“Which you won’t!”

“_ If! _” Yuudai snaps and then stuffs his hands in his pockets, Taisei’s pockets, and hits the rock smackdab at its center, flinging it a whole few feet ahead, “then I’ll make sure to haunt you when I die.”

“If you die!” Taisei laughs, racing after the piece.

If the rock had been sentient, perhaps it would have yelled at them. Not for them to stop kicking but to keep their voices down, to slow down as it’s hurled in long lengths down a cold, hard, unrelenting pavement with shoes that have too much history. From the hazardous scribbles of stars and planets, the dirty streaking the sides that went unnoticed, and all the beaten up parts. The shoes are much like their owners. 

A mistake is made and just like that the rock is gone falling far, far away down the sewage drain to never be seen again.

Taisei expected to be disappointed but all he can do is laugh as Yuudai shouts that it wasn’t his fault and calls Taisei a filthy cheater. He hadn’t known they were in competition. 

They don’t get hit by a car once.

* * *

“What’s so special about it?” Yuudai asks when Taisei excitedly tells him about the 24/7 gas station that he loves frequenting and he vibrates, hands tingly as he tries walking backward.

They never get off the road and Taisei’s glad because, well, it made him feel so _ cool _. It was childish, he knew, but it’s just something you wouldn’t ever be caught doing during the appropriate hours of the day. There are rules to walking, rules to living and breathing, but it all dissipates in the night much like his chilly breath.

“It’s one of my favorite places, there’s a surreal feel to it. I can get lost in such a tiny space and never know what time it is,” Taisei says, keeping his arms out to balance himself but like usual, he almost trips and Yuudai makes a quick grab at him.

He really, really likes it when he does that.

“Walk forwards, dude,” Yuudai tells him and Taisei chuckles, listening to him just this once but still keeping his arms spread like he’s an airplane ready to take off.

“You’ll see. I know it’s just a gas station but it’s always meant more to me.”

When Taisei catches sight of a distant neon glow he lights up just as bright, running forwards and leaping onto the sidewalk. He cheers because he can, lifts his head and everything with dramatic fist pumps in the air and he can feel Yuudai chase after him, he isn’t laughing as he’s telling him to slow down but it’s just as good.

“We’ve made it!” In an instant, he’s taking out his phone to snatch a photo of the moment.

The gas station is beautiful at night.

The fluorescent lights create a sort of illusion, tricks you into thinking that if you step through those glass doors covered in bright scheming posters that you’ll get the time back you lost. You can pretend it’s seven, or four, or ten and it’ll all be the same. The neon glow of blue, pink, and green mingled with the blackness of the sky creates the perfect rave.

The radio is loud today as it is heard from the parking lot.

It’s an American song, though he’s unsure if it’s more indie or folksy, whatever it is has a rhythm so sweet and breakable that he can’t help but keep his arms raised above his head as he shimmies his hips back and forth.

“What are you doing?”

Taisei smiles and extends his hand, still swaying from side to side and Yuudai must register that he’s attempting to dance to the music.

“No,” Yuudai shakes his head, raising his hands in front of him, “no way!”

“Come ooon,” Taisei wiggles his eyebrows, doing a spin and he’s surprised by the morbid lyrics the song hits him with but it’s chorus holds so much longing and play that it just makes him want to dance harder. 

“I’m not dancing with you!” Yuudai is blushing furiously, the lights from the store make him appear pink and what a sight it is, “we are in the middle of the parking lot! Oh god, the worker can totally see us Taisei!”

“Live a little!”

“No!”

Taisei beams, singing along to the song but since he doesn’t actually know the lyrics it all comes out a garbled mess of broken English, “Yuudai! Do you know what he just said?”

“Do you even know?”

“Yes!! What a curious life? We have found here tonight?! Yuudai, that’s us he’s singing about, come on!” Taisei whoops, spinning towards Yuudai until he gets dizzy and he reaches out, grabbing onto the blonde’s wrists and tugging him onto the metaphorical dance floor.

“Taisei!” Yuudai says, completely scandalized but Taisei is just focussed on how he said his _ name. _

“Yuudai!” He shouts back, and he laughs so ridiculously loud that it makes Yuudai cough out his own shrill laughter, a shocked smile on his face saying “I can’t believe you” oh but you better believe it!

The lyrics pick up again and Taisei clumsily has them sway and spin together while keeping them at an arms-length apart.

This is what it’s like to be free, Taisei thinks as he throws his head back and squeezes up Yuudai’s wrists to tangle their fingers together. He looks over at Yuudai, staggering and jerky and _ Taisei’s _ sweater whips around his thighs and he is beautiful. He grows less and less careful, the two of them no doubt putting on the strangest show for the cashier inside.

They aren’t necessarily dancing, more like tripping over their feet, running in a wild circle and Taisei twirls Yuudai, and the blonde lets it happen.

They crash into each other when he tries to bring Yuudai back to him which makes them laugh even harder, both of them sounding like dying hyenas as they try to catch their breath.

It isn’t until the song fades out and transitions into something slower and sad that it hits Taisei that he’s never heard Yuudai laugh before now.

Taisei can’t stop grinning as he watches Yuudai’s chest heave like he’s being punched with laughter. The sound is rough, high pitched and strange and it’s everything Taisei’s ever wanted to hear. He swears there are tears in his eyes as he tries to come down. Or maybe that’s just Taisei, feeling overwhelmed with the mountain of joy he’s sure is the work of an unknown entity.

Taisei didn’t let go of Yuudai’s hand, their fingers interlocking and squeezing tight.

“Sorry,” he whispers and retracts from the touch because he has to not because he wants to. If it were up to him he’d rub circles into Yuudai’s wrist with the tender tip of his thumb and memorize the way it felt.

“It’s fine,” Yuudai replies and it’s the first time he says those words like they’re real.

  
  


* * *

  
  


They get slushies.

They caused a minor ruckus in the store but the dead-eyed cashier didn’t flinch at their antics, didn’t even mention the impromptu dance. They were polite even when they watched Taisei get blue slush all over his hands.

Together they sit outside on the pavement, conversation light and with laughter coming easier than before. Though not as boisterous as his previous laughter, it seems there’s a notch that’s come out of Yuudai’s spine and he huffs out chuckles more easily, that or the night just brings it out in him.

Taisei stretches out his leg, throwing his head back and lets the euphoria take over his body. His tongue is stained blue from his slushie concoction and Yuudai’s lips are red from his plain cherry.

“Can I ask you a question?” He asks, feeling brave

“Shoot.”

“Don’t get mad.”

“Why would I get mad?” Yuudai asks like he couldn’t fathom it and it’s almost funny. It makes Taisei want to change the subject entirely but he’s dug his grave.

Taisei sighs, “... So. Your boyfriend kicked you out tonight.”

“Oh. That.”

“It’s… You have to know that from my perspective it doesn’t look good. It doesn’t look good at all,” he whispers but it’s loud enough that the muffled store music doesn’t cover it, “... I’m sorry. I’m sorry that was out of line wasn’t it?”

“No, yes, no he… I know exactly what it looks like. You aren’t the only one, I’ve had a few other neighbors ask me I’m alright like I’m some… Battered fucking wife— that’s— that’s a gross comparison but it feels like it… I don’t know. I act up, he gets mad, and I get kicked out.”

“How do you ‘act up’ exactly?”

“... I don’t know anymore.”

“Yuudai,” Taisei starts and notes the way Yuudai’s shoulders stiffen, “it doesn’t sound good.”

“Yeah,” he laughs humorlessly, “no shit but it’s not like I can leave.”

He hates that. Taisei doesn’t try to throw that word around because it’s a loaded one syllable word that packs a mean punch. But Taisei hates that, he hates how Yuudai says that and then sucks on his straw casually like what he said wasn’t a big deal.

“Can’t you? Can’t you leave?”

“It’s not that easy,” he says with the straw still in his lips, “Arata… That’s— Taisei, I spent five years with him. We moved in together and— we would have gotten married or some shit by now if it were legal. We have a _ cat _. I can’t give up on that just because we’re… Going through some rough months. Besides, this is all the bad stuff. We still work, he uh, paid for my phone bill just the other day, didn’t ask just did it.”

_ ‘She doesn’t have to do that, but she does.’ _

But does he have Yuudai’s back? Is he wondering where Yuudai is? Has he thought to even worry?

Taisei hasn’t replied because he’s too busy trying to ungrind his teeth.

“Don’t look at me like that, please. Not you,” Yuudai mumbles, voice wavering with hurt and Taisei blows out a breath.

“I’m sorry.”

It hangs stiff in the air.

Taisei isn’t sure what exactly he just apologized for but they stay sitting, slurping their cups slowly and maybe a large was a bad idea. The sugar though good on the mouth is never as good going down.

He puts his cup down, resting his hands on the concrete behind him, leaning back and nudging his knee against Yuudai to get his attention. When they look at one another it’s as if they’re in separate worlds with how Taisei is bathed in blue light while green favors Yuudai. If he ever dyed his hair green it would look great. He’s always green. So very green.

He should let it die, they should pack in and start walking home but Taisei needs to know something before this is all over.

“... You love him?”

It takes Yuudai a moment to say, “... Yes.”

“Okay… As long as you’re happy.”

He doesn’t know what to make of Yuudai’s eyes widening before he looks away, finishing the rest of his slushie in one hasty gulp.

* * *

  
  


**Arata Tasaki** **(12:58 a.m)**

you can come back now

* * *

  
  


Taisei wrinkles his nose when he sees the message flash on Yuudai’s screen and doesn’t miss the way all of him deflates.

Yuudai gives him a smile, small and sad.

“See,” he says, “sometimes he doesn’t keep me out the whole night.”

It doesn’t reassure Taisei in the slightest.

When they walk home they go back on the road but do not find any rocks to kick.

Taisei keeps humming the song from before, it’s made a home in his ears and he won’t be able to stop it from playing over and over. He makes a note to look it up, maybe scream the lyrics at the top of his lungs in the shower and he’ll have his palms outstretched, yearning to grab something much like the singer longs to be.

It’s strange how two neighbors turned friends can make the night their own. It’s a reminder that it is so very strange being alive.

“_How strange it is to be anything at all, _” he sings much slower, poignantly hitting each word with his arms swaying in the air.

“What does that mean?” Yuudai asks though he doesn’t appear to be listening, his eyes too transfixed with the trees they pass by.

“It’s about how weird life can be.”

“Ha... How fitting."

  
  


* * *

  
  


Taisei closes the door behind him, orange sweater hanging from his right arm and he yawns loudly, tiredness washing over him hard and fast. He lets the heavy jackets fall, ready to deal with it in the morning.

He brushes his teeth, washes his face and crawls to bed.

He doesn’t think about the way Yuudai unzipped his sweater, how it fell so easily from his shoulders and how small he seemed going back to his own place. Apartment C4, the apartment named after a ticking time bomb.

He goes through his phone, stares at the last message Yuudai sent and his guts don’t feel good about his reply. He types another.

**Taisei (1:19 a.m)**

Hey!!!!!

Yuudai doesn’t reply in his usual rapid-fire speed and it makes Taisei itch all over. He’s been feeling a lot lately. Too many slip-ups when he’s alone, too many thoughts of hands weaving together and the worst is imagining autumn and summer coming together. Yellow and orange, together they can make a fire.

He distracts himself from his photo gallery and pauses.

He took it while at the gas station but didn’t stop to study.

When he took it, the neon green was at its most prominent, an iridescent halo shining into the black of night. It looked like it was trying to stain the night green.

He sends it.

**Taisei (1:23 a.m)**

Is this a green enough sky??

Right as he hits the little arrow button he’s tossing his phone away, turning his back to it and shutting his eyes, snuggling into his blanket and willing sleep to come.

But he’s interrupted by the buzz behind his head.

Don’t do it, Taisei.

You’re gonna go to sleep now, Taisei.

Taisei stop flipping around!

He opens his phone like the weak man he is and―

Oh my god.

His eyes have to adjust but when he sees it, it’s― it’s.

It’s a picture of Yuudai, he barely keeps his eyes open because he’s holding a cat in his arm that’s nudging her pink little nose against the side of his cheek. She’s a ball of fluff with impossibly large eyes, if Taisei zooms in he’d be able to catch the sliver of tongue and oh how Yuudai’s squinty eyes and scrunched up nose just make it, Taisei wants to keep it forever, wants to stare it and make it his wallpaper and― and― and―

And…

  
  


_ Oh. _


End file.
